I am so tired of all of this. I'm tired of thinking about food, about logging, about worrying about my weight and feeling fat, about getting depressed about my weight. I'm so ready to just chuck it all and quit worrying about it.
The thing is, since Collin was born, I had stopped worrying about my weight and food. I was so focused on new parenthood, I didn't even think about food. And I lost weight and I didn't worry about anything. And I made good choices. The less I worried about it, the less obsessed I became with food and the less junk I ate. Now I'm actually binging-bad, in a really bad way. I ate an entire bag of candy in one day yesterday. My sister keeps telling me I need to go back to not worrying about this. She says I need to lay off Calorie King and just chill out. No, I told her, I need to keep track. Now I'm wondering if she's right.
I remember this summer going to a blue grass festival with my husband. While we were there, I was thinking about how nice it was to not be so worried about what I ate and how much I weighed like I was a few years before when we were at that festival. I felt so free from the bondage to food and weight. Now here I am in bondage all over again! I hate it.
I blame all of this on Cecliac disease. I was so worried that I'd gain all of the weight back when I went gluten free that I've become obsessed. Something is going to have to change. I can't go on binging like this and feeling so awful each day about what I eat. There is more to life than this. I want to be healthy and this is not healthy.
Just so you know, I did not finish logging the candy that I ate later tonight. Tomorrow I weigh in and I'm expecting a gain. Ugh!