I think I'm developing a love/hate relationship with free day. I don't need to explain the love part, but I hate the gross overly full feeling. I hate the guilt that comes with it even if it is "authorized" and planned. I hate how fat I feel and I hate the gain that comes the day after that I work all week to lose again. I plan to not go overboard and I always do. I read recently on a BFL-ers website that free day is self-regulating. The first few weeks you go nuts, but eventually you learn not to. I'm interested to see if that's going to happen for me. It's an important part of the program and really helps with motivation. Plus I was reading yesterday that it actually is good for your metabolism to get thrown off one day a week like this. It helps speed it up so it doesn't get used to the same amount of calories all the time.

So I decided that I want to write about what's been going on in my marriage. I want to get it out of my system and see if I feel better. If anything is too personal, I'll just delete it when I'm done writing. Hmmm. This may turn out to be long.
My husband and I dated for a year, lived together for 2 years (gasp!), and then were married for 5 years before we had kids. We've now been married for almost 8 years. Before we had children, I felt like we had a very strong marriage. He was very dedicated to me; he adored me. And I felt the same way about him. When we had disagreements, we always worked them out calmly and rationally. We never called names, made accusations or attacked the other.
Then we had our first child. It was so hard for both of us. A huge adjustment. I went through some post partum and he freaked out in his own way. But things have never been the same. Here's my theory: my husband really puts his heart into his focus. His is an only child of a single mother and never knew his biological father. I think that explains a lot right there. He was also spoiled by his mother. I think that plays into some things too.
But when we had our first child, I think it was hard for him to love 2 people so completely. I remember crying after our first child was born and asking my husband to hold me. He wouldn't because he was worried that the baby would need something. He told me our needs come second now. He still tells me this. He broke my heart. It did get a little better as we adjusted to becoming parents. But I was still second.
I was worried when I got pregnant with our second child that he would have trouble loving 2 children. Since my theory was that he could only dedicate his heart to one person at a time, what would happen with 2 children. Thankfully, he has been fine with that. He is a wonderful father to both boys. I couldn't ask for a better father to my children.
But I get nothing from him. He works so hard at his job. He comes home, spends time with the kids and helps me with them. Puts the older one to bed and falls asleep with him. Then comes downstairs and goes to bed. No time for me at all.
But guess who is left out?