GRRRR!!!! I added more to my blog yesterday and it's not there! I must have previewed it and forgot to save it. I hate when that happens.
I had added more details about what is going on and what I have tried to help things. Why I am pretty much giving up on trying those things anymore. But I actually ended on a positive note.
Ugh! Well, anyway, I'll give a very brief summary of what I wrote yesterday.
I have tried leaving my husband little love notes and cards. It does not seem to help. The last time I left him a card, about a month ago, I had to ask him if he got it. He just said yes. No thank you. No kiss. I decided I'm not doing that anymore.
Then I had been trying to plan date nights out once a month. The last time we tried that (I think it was March), our older son threw a fit because daddy was leaving and my husband didn't want to leave!! Talk about putting me last. We finally got our son calmed down. But I was so hurt. I haven't planned another date night since.
I'm just burned out. I'm the only one trying here. I have to ask for a kiss hello or a hug goodnight. I'm lonely in this marriage.
I'm worth so much more than this. I deserve to be treated better. I just want to be valued and loved. I want to feel like I'm important to him.
When I've talked to him about this, he says he'll try to change but nothing ever does. I finally told him the other night, "you must make me a priority." I just don't think he gets it. I don't want to nag, but I think I just need to be a broken record until he finally starts to realize that I'm serious about this. Something must change. It cannot go on like this.
And no, Ashli, he won't go to counseling. He once told me he would only go if I were about to leave.
I really am far from that point right now. I really love my husband and our life together (most of the time). I just don't know what to do anymore.
I wrote at the end yesterday that all I really know to do is pray about this and trust God. He knows my needs and I can trust Him to fill my needs somehow. I think this is a phase that we're going through. But it's really hard on me, as you can probably tell.
The good thing is, I am learning not to eat over it. Today I did really well on my food plan and exercise. In fact, except for a few slips ups here and there that were very minor, I had a pretty good week 5. So I am proud of myself for that and, of course, will continue forward.
Thanks all for the supportive comments. It always means so much to me.
Okay, I'm not even going to preview. I'm just going to save.