NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, May 15 2007 - BFL Week 8 Day 3
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I feel so fat right now. It has now been 4 days in a row of uncontrolled eating. I had decided I wasn't going to worry about food today because I didn't want to restrict myself at our last brunch (homemade tamales!!!). So I knew I would just eat whatever today and get back on track tomorrow. I told my husband I would get back on my program tomorrow and he said, Yeah, right!
What?! Does he not see how well I've done? Okay, I have messed up a lot, but he doesn't even know how I'm usually doing. I don't usually talk about it. And the past few days I've been complaining about how I'm having trouble with motivation. Well, now that I'm writing about it, if I haven't talked about my successes, and only complained about my struggles, I guess he wouldn't know that I've had more success than failure.
In any case, his comment set a fire under me. I will do this. Grit my teeth and hold on for dear life to fight cravings but I am successful in many areas. This will be one of them.
The thing about food is it sounds better than it tastes or the idea is better than reality. I had cheetos this afternoon and icecream this evening. Neither tasted like I thought they would. Just junk going in because I'm allowing it today. Did I really want this food or was I just eating it because I am giving it up tomorrow?
I hate food issues!!! I hate that I struggle so much with this. I'm tired of struggling with it. I want to experience success again.
It's going to be a while before I get on the scale. I can only imagine what these past 4 days have done to my body. I just don't want to know. I want to get some good days in before I look at the reality.
Okay, I really need to get this homework done. This is my last class (forever) and I just want to blow it off so badly. I hate this project and studying for this test. I'm just done! Well, back to work!
What?! Does he not see how well I've done? Okay, I have messed up a lot, but he doesn't even know how I'm usually doing. I don't usually talk about it. And the past few days I've been complaining about how I'm having trouble with motivation. Well, now that I'm writing about it, if I haven't talked about my successes, and only complained about my struggles, I guess he wouldn't know that I've had more success than failure.
In any case, his comment set a fire under me. I will do this. Grit my teeth and hold on for dear life to fight cravings but I am successful in many areas. This will be one of them.
The thing about food is it sounds better than it tastes or the idea is better than reality. I had cheetos this afternoon and icecream this evening. Neither tasted like I thought they would. Just junk going in because I'm allowing it today. Did I really want this food or was I just eating it because I am giving it up tomorrow?
I hate food issues!!! I hate that I struggle so much with this. I'm tired of struggling with it. I want to experience success again.
It's going to be a while before I get on the scale. I can only imagine what these past 4 days have done to my body. I just don't want to know. I want to get some good days in before I look at the reality.
Okay, I really need to get this homework done. This is my last class (forever) and I just want to blow it off so badly. I hate this project and studying for this test. I'm just done! Well, back to work!
5 comments so far.
5.
a decade ago
He makes me mad, Nikki, I want to sit him down and shake him and tell him to quit being a jerk to you. Ok. I got that out of my system. Now, I have a little challenge for you: Why don't you update your blog with 10 positive changes you have made/10 good decisions since starting BFL. I want you to be able to look back and see your success in black and white. Just start focusing on the positive for a bit and I bet that will lead to more positive choices. -- And really, quit catering to him, like buying the junk for him as we discussed yesterday, because he obviously isn't trying to support you.
by JEWELRYLADEE
4.
a decade ago
Nikki: Seriously, stop this! You know how to do BFL and you made a committment to do it. NOW DO IT! You have some good weeks left to give it your best shot. Quit letting your hubby's nastiness invade your happy place, mentally and physically. Get physically stronger and that will help you get mentally stronger. Show him, show you, you CAN get back on track. Quit worrying or being upset about the last four days. They are HISTORY and you can do nothing about them. Start TODAY and do this TODAY! I hear ya on all levels Nikki, I really do. He is not going to support you or your efforts, don't eat over it, work out over it! Show him you can do this! I KNOW YOU CAN! DO IT! Said with
:love: N! 
:kiss:
by MOM22SONZ
3.
a decade ago
i understand EXACTLY how you feel. i am so sick of struggling with this too. just one day at a time i suppose. and thank you sooooo much for your comment yesterday. i really was just feeling awful but reading everyone's comments, esp yours cause you have been through it, definately made me feel better and put things into perspective. hang in there, i think we both need to lol
by KR1814
2.
a decade ago
You can do it!!!! One day at a time, you can do it. And if you aren't get the support you need at home, you will find it here. Good luck with your last class!
:)
by UGA889
1.
a decade ago
by BIGGRAMMA