NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, May 20 2007 - BFL Week 9 Day 1
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
Exercise Report
I did 60 mins of Winsor Pilates. I only meant to do 20 because I love the 20 minute video but I'm getting sick of it. So I decided to do 20 mins of the Accelerated Body whatever one and set the timer for 20 mins. Well, the battery ran out on the timer and I didn't realize it until I was something like 40 mins into it.
At that point I figured I might as well finish the whole thing. Good workout! 
Food Report
So I was doing pretty good until this evening when I had a total binge. I so don't want to log what I ate because it's so extremely embarassing.
Here's what I think happened. I have been so worried about food and losing weight this whole week. This morning I weighed and I was still 150. I usually lose that binge weight after a few days of good eating. So I freaked out (I forgot that I was PMSing until later in the day.)
I have been obsessing about this situation and what do I want to do about BFL? Do I want to continue? I'm really struggling. But what else will I do? I really want to eat xxx right now. And so on.
ALL DAY LONG I am thinking of these stupid things over and over.
I got so sick of it.
So tonight I went grocery shopping after the baby went to bed. And I did the "screw it" thing. I bought a box of Trix and some icecream.
Rebellious eating, I think
I eat worse when I am "trying" to lose weight because I end up binging.
I am tired of this. I am tired of this roller coaster mind game that I am on right now.
This is awful and it's painful. And I don't know what to do anymore.
Daily Joy Report
I enjoyed that Pilates workout. It was time just for me.
And I enjoyed talking with my sister on the phone. I unloaded all of these anxieties to her and she gave me some insight that I am considering.
Daily Gratitude Report
I am so thankful that I have a wonderful sister who understands what I am going through.
Other Thoughts
I am determined to finish this challenge no matter what. I want to be able to say I finished it. If I fall many more times, so be it, but I will finish it.
I did 60 mins of Winsor Pilates. I only meant to do 20 because I love the 20 minute video but I'm getting sick of it. So I decided to do 20 mins of the Accelerated Body whatever one and set the timer for 20 mins. Well, the battery ran out on the timer and I didn't realize it until I was something like 40 mins into it.
At that point I figured I might as well finish the whole thing. Good workout! Food Report
So I was doing pretty good until this evening when I had a total binge. I so don't want to log what I ate because it's so extremely embarassing.
Here's what I think happened. I have been so worried about food and losing weight this whole week. This morning I weighed and I was still 150. I usually lose that binge weight after a few days of good eating. So I freaked out (I forgot that I was PMSing until later in the day.)
I have been obsessing about this situation and what do I want to do about BFL? Do I want to continue? I'm really struggling. But what else will I do? I really want to eat xxx right now. And so on.
ALL DAY LONG I am thinking of these stupid things over and over.
I got so sick of it.
So tonight I went grocery shopping after the baby went to bed. And I did the "screw it" thing. I bought a box of Trix and some icecream.
Rebellious eating, I think
I eat worse when I am "trying" to lose weight because I end up binging.
I am tired of this. I am tired of this roller coaster mind game that I am on right now.
This is awful and it's painful. And I don't know what to do anymore.
Daily Joy Report
I enjoyed that Pilates workout. It was time just for me.
And I enjoyed talking with my sister on the phone. I unloaded all of these anxieties to her and she gave me some insight that I am considering.
Daily Gratitude Report
I am so thankful that I have a wonderful sister who understands what I am going through.
Other Thoughts
I am determined to finish this challenge no matter what. I want to be able to say I finished it. If I fall many more times, so be it, but I will finish it.
3 comments so far.
3.
a decade ago
I think when BFL is over you should maybe consider not dieting for a while. It doesn't seem to be really healthy for you. If you made some positive goals -- with no CAN'Ts -- and just tried to achieve those, maybe you would be more successful. Such as: I will have 8 glass of water a day, xx grams of protein a day, 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, exercise xx miutes a week, and after that I will eat what I want to eat. Maybe you would find you don't want it if you are not so obsessed with not being able to have it. I'm not exactly sure ... I know this ultimately comes down to how much you really want what you want, but you need to find the source of motivation that really works for you. And what you're doing right now seems to not be working. In other news, I
:love: the new blog format and I'm so impressed with your workouts. Maybe you could get some of that to rub off on me!
by JEWELRYLADEE
2.
a decade ago
Nikki: is there any way to stay on the challenge but change the foods a bit to try to address some of your food challenges??? Just wondering..
:kiss:
by MOM22SONZ
1.
a decade ago
You can do it Nikki, only 3 weeks more!!!
:kiss:
by CYNTHIALS