NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Jun 13 2007 - Day 3 of 10 of personal challenge
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I am really upset by my scale numbers and by my body right now. I am 153 and have been for 3 days. One day over the weekend was 155. I was solidly between 147 and 149 for so long. But my binges have caused this gain.
I am pmsing this week, but I know it's more than that. My stomach is no longer flat. My face is fuller. I look in the mirror and I want to cry.
I know it's not healthy to view things this way, but I'm not sure what other way to look at this.
I feel awful about myself and I feel like I have failed.
Yes, I'm beating myself up.
The only thing I know to do is focus on my goals.
Make healthy choices. Eat only when hungry. Avoid emotional eating at all costs.
I did pretty well with that the last 2 days. But it's hard. I am such an emotional eater. But since I've been focusing on recognizing hunger, I have been more aware of when I am eating emotionally.
So I keep telling myself to trust the process. Trust what I'm doing. The pounds will come off.
But I have never lost weight in my life through my own effort. Only through being sick.
I think deep down inside I'm so worried that I can't do it, no matter how hard I try.
Don't mean to be having a pity party and whine. I have just felt really down the last couple of days.
I am pmsing this week, but I know it's more than that. My stomach is no longer flat. My face is fuller. I look in the mirror and I want to cry.
I know it's not healthy to view things this way, but I'm not sure what other way to look at this.
I feel awful about myself and I feel like I have failed.
Yes, I'm beating myself up.
The only thing I know to do is focus on my goals.
Make healthy choices. Eat only when hungry. Avoid emotional eating at all costs.
I did pretty well with that the last 2 days. But it's hard. I am such an emotional eater. But since I've been focusing on recognizing hunger, I have been more aware of when I am eating emotionally.
So I keep telling myself to trust the process. Trust what I'm doing. The pounds will come off.
But I have never lost weight in my life through my own effort. Only through being sick.
I think deep down inside I'm so worried that I can't do it, no matter how hard I try.
Don't mean to be having a pity party and whine. I have just felt really down the last couple of days.
2 comments so far.
2.
a decade ago
(((HUG))) Hang in there! You're doing the right things. Focus on eating when you're hungry. Focus on exercise. Focus on not eating your emotions. Put away the scale. It will show up on the scale eventually. But, don't focus on that. Focus on eating healthy foods and not binging. If you haven't already, make those goals in e-counselor and check in with them every day. You can do it!
by PJENA
1.
a decade ago
hang in there. and its not a pity party, its how you feel and you are allowed to say how you feel. maybe you should put the scale away for a week. i was always dead set against this til about 2 weeks go. i finally just did it, and ill admit i have snuck on it a little, but it has made a world of difference on my mood. im no longer "rewarding" myself because the number is down and im not beating myself up by eating more because the number is up. out of sight out of mind. dont let this get you down. you are making conscious choices and doing a great job. i mean you just wrote you ran/walked 2 miles the other day. thats great! just keep it up. when you feel emotional, take a step back and ask yourself "will this food really make me feel better?" i know i dont always follow my advice or my ED therapists advice, but i try to, and it has helped a little. i know how you feel. maybe next time if you write it out here before you emotionally eat, it will deter you. i did that the other day when i felt a b/p coming on. i logged on, wrote about it, and the feeling passed. hang in there hun =)
by KR1814