Food Report
Okay, so today I didn't log at all in my attempts to be free from obsessing. My plan was to focus on 2 goals: 1. eat only when hungry and 2. No emotional eating.
It went pretty well for most of the day. I got home from shopping and my husband and son had brought me a banana split from Braum's because they know I them. Well, I sure wasn't going to turn that down and it was really good. But I got full (those things are huge) and kept eating anyway. As I thought about it later, I think I should have stopped when I was full and put the rest in the freezer to save for later.
But still I thought it wasn't too bad. I had dinner after a while. Then my husband came home from the grocery store with our favorite chips! I had just had dinner and wasn't hungry at all. But I dived into those and had too many. I'm still full from those.
This is what I'm mad at myself about. As I have been thinking about the "why", I still don't know. They were there. They sounded good. Once I started eating, instead of stopping at one serving, I felt anxious that I wouldn't be able to have them again, that I shouldn't be eating them. And so I ate more.
I'm so worried that I'm gaining fat this very second.
I'm trying not to think about that so much but it scares me very much.

Okay, observation and correction. No condemnation. Look at the behavior from a non-judgemental point of view and decide what to do different next time. (from Thin Within)
I wasn't hungry when I ate. I think it was okay to have a few chips, but stop after a few tastes. That's all I really wanted. It's okay to have these chips once in a while. They will be there tomorrow. I don't have to eat them all at once.
And I already figured out what I should have done with the banana split.

I've already been thinking that as I figure this process out I might actually gain a little at first, but that ultimately as I conquer emotional eating, I will lose it in the end.
I tell mself that but I'm terrified of gaining. I really need to talk about these fears with my counselor. I don't think these thoughts and feelings are right.

Okay, moving on.

Exercise Report
No exercise today. The baby has been sick for 3 days with a fever. Today was the worst and some of the times I just held him while he slept and we both slept in the rocking chair. Poor thing. If I tried to put him in his crib, he would cry and that's not like him at all. So I catered to him.
Anyway, I hate that I didn't exercise today when I ate poorly, but there is nothing I can do about it.

Joy Report
I went to the mall and went shopping today. You must understand that I never, ever go shopping for myself. I went to Vic. Secret and Bath and Body and got some fun stuff (nothing fancy, just plain panties). It felt so good to just shop for myself for a little while.

Grattitude Report
Having my baby sick has made me thankful that my boys are usually pretty healthy and I'm so grateful for that.
I also had some nice moments today with my husband and our older son. We hung out on the couch and just played and joked around for a while and we were just silly. It was really fun.

Other Thoughts
I am reading this great book called Slow, Fat Triathlete by Jayne Williams. It is so inspiring. It is my goal to complete a triathlon one day (hopefully next year) and her story is amazing. I feel so motivated that I just want to go run and bike right now!!
To actively train for a tri, she says you need to do each sport twice a week. So schedule run, bike and swim twice, not having the same sport consecutively so you rest your body. It sounds so simple, but with 2 such little ones and a husband who does not approve of me being away from the house very often, it will be a while till I can train like that.
His philosophy is that if he can't have time for his hobbies, then why should I since he's the one working all the time. :sigh: At least I can do each sport once a week right now and I strength train 3 days a week.
Okay, this was really long. Thanks for bearing through the end if you decided to read all of it.
Later!