Food Report
Stupid Chips!!!! I hate them.
So I think I need to add another goal to my short, simplified list. NO CHIPS. They are a trigger food for me and I can't handle them. I think I can only have that one ounce serving. But no!
I have had to cut out candy and cereal since they are trigger foods. This one has to go as well. This is harder though since my husband buys them and brings them home. Not sure what to do but I think deciding this is off limits and putting it in my goals is a first step.
I was the only one eating candy, so that was easy to cut out. Just don't buy it.
Cereal is a little harder, but my kids won't miss it if I don't buy it. They don't eat it for breakfast anyway; I just use it as a snack when we are on the run and I have easily gotten them something else for that.
But chips?? My husband and son love them as well, and I already asked once to not buy them. But that didn't last long.
I'll think on it and we'll see.

For Father's Day, I BBQ-ed spare ribs. I've never made ribs in my life and they turned out really good. I did well with that meal. I had small portions. And I did good with my other meals. It was just that stupid trigger food. Okay-I'm done talking about that now.

I'm not logging at the moment, but I do want to record what I eat each day. For 2 reasons, so I have some kind of accountability but don't have the numbers to mess with my mind. And also it helps if I have a Celiac reaction. I can go back and figure out possible sources of gluten. And I often forget what I've eaten if it's not written down.
So I'll record it here in my blog:
B-Oatmeal and orange
L-Taco soup w/chips
S-Chips
D-2 ribs, small potato (w/butter sour cream) corn on cob (butter)
few cheetos
S-icecream w/chocolate syrup

Exercise Report
I wasn't sure if I was going to get it in, but I did! I did the cardio Winsor Pilates workout. It was much needed as it was a stressful day.

Joy Report
Tonight I was feeling discouraged about several things, so I took some time to go to my room by myself and read my Bible and some prayer books. I usually try to read my Bible while I feed the baby, but I haven't for the last 2 days. It was nice tonight to take some quiet time to focus on reading the Bible and praying.

Grattitude Report
I'm thankful for my dad, of course. He has been a great father and has always been supportive of me. He truly self-sacrifices for me and my sister to help us out whenever he can.
I'm also thankful that my husband is a great father to my children. With all of his (many) faults, I can honestly say he is very dedicated to our children.

Other Thoughts
I Am So Sick Of Struggling With Food!!!! I want to be free from this.
I feel like a drug addict. Today when I wanted to eat but knew I wasn't hungry, I thought this must be how people feel when they are trying to quit cigarettes or get off drugs or alcohol. It was so hard. I hate this.
I beat myself up for my mistakes. I'm so scared I'm going to keep gaining. I feel like I'm not in control, when that is just not true.
I was talking to my mom about all this today, and she told me what she has been telling me for months now. "You are going to figure this out because you are so determined to figure it out."
I told her, But you've been telling me that for months and I still haven't figured it out.
She said, "But you haven't given up. And your determination is going to make you succeed." She then told me about people who went through similar things to lose weight, were very determined and finally figured out what worked for them. She said I have that same determination.

It's just that i feel like I'm sinking right now. I don't know if I can figure this out. It seems like the answer is out of reach.

But I do know that I have figured out what doesn't work for me. I know that BFL food plan with free day does not work for me. I know that I can't have trigger foods in my house. I know that counting calories is too much of a mind game for me right now.
With all this trial and error, surely I will stumble upon the answer for me soon. Right???

I also want to write my goals again. Good reminder for me.
1. Eat only when hungry.
2. No emotional eating.
3. No trigger foods-no chips.

Also, the baby has had a fever since Thursday. Today was the worst day yet, poor thing. Many times he was so fussy and nothing would help. We took naps in the rocking chair again. Thankfully, he has been sleeping well at night. If he has a fever again in the morning, I'm calling the doctor. Medicine brings it down right away, but as soon as it wears off, the fever comes back. I'm getting worried. But he has no other symptoms.
But it made it a stressful day and made me want to eat more and more. Ugh!