Okay, I'm back. My computer is now fixed and hopefully will stay that way. At least it wasn't gone too long. Only a day and a half.

Food Report
B-eggbeaters in tortillas; watermelon
S-finished off that evil icecream (see note below)
L-McDonald's: plain hamburger patty, yogurt parfait, 1/2 kid's fries , and 1/2 sprite
S-grapes and Zoneperfect bar
D-yogurt (to stave off hunger) gf spaghetti with meat sauce (lean beef) and peas
S-strawberries and coolwhip

So after deciding to cut out those trigger foods but to keep icecream in, I went crazy with the icecream yesterday. I bought a flavor I don't usually get that was full fat and full flavor. It was an awful binge that I kept going back to the stupid stuff all day.
So as I was reflecting on this and figuring out what to do, I have decided that if icecream is not going to be cut out with the other trigger foods, then there needs to be some rules.
So, here are my new icecream rules:
1. Only eat after 8:00 pm
to avoid the middle of the day icecream compulsion
2. Only have light vanilla with optional light chocolate or caramel topping
no special flavors that will tempt me to have too much
3. Only have 1 serving.
no going back for more. No seconds!!! It doesn't taste any better the second time and it only makes me feel awful about myself.

So I feel good having a plan in place. More secure.

Other Thoughts so far
I feel so fat today. I got dressed and my pants are snug, but when I looked in the mirror I thought i still looked okay. My tummy still looked somewhat flat in these capris.
Then I found a picture of myself from about 4 or 5 years ago when I weighed about 165 pounds, maybe more. I looked chubby.
And I got really scared. Is that where I'm headed again? Is that what I look like now?
I hate the way I look right now.
I thought about putting that picture up on the fridge and the picture of me back in October (when I was sickly skinny) to motivate me, but that may just mess with my head. I don't know.
I just feel awful about myself right now.

The only thing I can say is that I have a plan in place, I feel pretty confident that I can follow through on this, and by taking care of myself, everything else will fall into place. I don't know.

Exercise Report
I've had a really tough day. And things were so crazy this afternoon that I didn't get my workout in. So I asked my husband if I could go to the Y after the baby was in bed. So I did 20 mins bike (200 cals) and 20 mins elliptical (197 cals). I feel much better now that I worked out. I needed that. We discussed getting some kind of cardio equipment at home, but he doesn't think we have any room.

This morning we went to visit a friend who has 2 kids the same ages as mine. Then we drove thru McD's. The baby was so tired, but I didn't get him down for a nap until after 2:00 and then he didn't even sleep a full hour. I tried to leave him in there, but he just cried and cried until I finally got him. While he was crying, I was trying to figure out the computer and make adjustments and my 3yr old, then told me that he needed to go to the bathroom (he was also supposed to be napping). So if I wasn't stressing out over the computer and getting my husbands job application and resumes emailed, then I was dealing with one of the kids.
All I really wanted to do was take a nap! But of course it didn't happen. Collin finally did go to sleep, but the baby never did sleep anymore. I think I messed up his sleep schedule or something.

The house is a total mess so I plan to stay home all morning to clean. I want to get in a UB workout. Get the baby down for an early nap!! My husband only works half a day tomorrow.

Grattitude Report
Things are still pretty good between hubby and me. The effects of last weekend are still with us!
Joy Report
I took a few minutes to read more of Motor Mouth. I'm finally getting into it. I set it aside for a few months. I can't wait to get Lean, Mean Thirteen.