I feel so horrible right now. I am so mad at myself. I have had 2 days of binging. It's been so awful.
I'm so ashamed of myself.
It started yesterday afternoon when my friend came over for lunch. She brought us Mexican food. I was proud of myself because I only ate half of my entree, but then I had some chips. And it seems like it all went to hell from there.
It was like one bite of that trigger food sent me into a spiral out of control. Later that afternoon I had the rest of that icecream that I vowed not to touch until the evening. I went to scrapbooking and had candy and more chips.

So today I decided to let go of yesterday and have a better day today. Get back on track and all. I went to bake bread and realized I hadn't let my eggs sit out and get to room temperature. I was disappointed because I had been looking forward to putting my creative energy into baking. Meanwhile, my husband and son decided to make home made icecream with the icecream maker.
And since I had all of my baking things out and all of the ingredients there, I made chocolate chip cookies.
Now, remember, cookies are not a trigger for me usually. And I can't have many cookies because of celiac. But I had never made homemade gluten free choc chip cookies before. They were sooo good.
i ate some dough. I ate some warm, fresh from the oven cookies. And then I had icecream when the boys were done making it.
I was so stuffed. I felt awful.
Later that evening my husband and I went out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary which was Tuesday (8 years! ) We went to Texas Roadhouse. And I wasn't very hungry and wasn't in the mood for meat. So I got a baked potato (but loaded!!), a small salad, and veggies. And I had some of my husband's steak fries.
Again, I was so stuffed, probably from the loaded potato.
Then I started feeling sick and realized something had gluten in it. Either the bacon bits or the seasoned fries. I should have asked about those things. I asked about other things, like the chili. But I hate asking about every little thing.
My husband and I were going to get romantic, but not anymore with my stomach acting up.

And I feel so fat. And out of control.
I was having a good week. I was proud of myself and felt like I was gaining strength.
Now it's like I didn't just fall off the wagon, I dived off and really hurt myself in the process.

The good news: I did finally get to the gym and I did 30 mins elliptical (interval) and 25 mins. HIIT on the bike. Great calorie burn but not enough to make up for all the food I ate today.

I want to feel like I'm in control again. And I want to stop the self-loathing.