My sister's stupid alarm went off at 5:00 this morning. It's now 6am and I haven't been able to get back to sleep. I have some junk on my mind, so I figured I might as well write about it here.
The baby is sick. He got a fever yesterday. I still went to my reunion dinner and my mom came to watch the kids as planned. He was sleeping when I left and woke up just before I got home. I had given him meds before I left and when I got home his fever had spiked pretty high.
We are supposed to go to a picnic for the reunion today, but I need to see how he's doing. I just gave him some more meds.
I would really like to go as my classmates will have their families with them and also a few teachers and people from other graduating classes will be there. Still a small group since we were such a small school. But I'd like to see more people that I haven't seen in 15 years.

The dinner last night was a little weird. I'm not sure exactly what I expected. But I didn't expect to feel awkward. Maybe I should have. Conversation flowed freely. It wasn't that. I just felt so self-conscious and I'm not usually like that.
I feel like I've grown and changed so much since high school. Who hasn't? We are not the same people. But it almost felt like we fell into the same roles. Maybe that is normal as personalities basically stay the same.
There were only 6 of us as one was a no-show, but 2 husbands came with. So 8 of us altogether.
We mostly talked about our lives as they are now and about other people we knew and where they are now. We didn't talk about memories as much as I thought we would.

Later what really struck me was that I am still struggling with some of the same stupid issues that I faced back then. Stupid eating disorder stuff-although that didn't become full blown until college.
That makes me mad. I feel like I should be over this by now. And I did overcome it for a long time. It's just resurfaced. And maybe food issues are just something you struggle with throughout life. I don't know. Maybe it will always be there in some ways.

My mind keeps coming back to that uncomfortable, self-conscious feeling I had last night and wondering why I felt that way. First, I expected to feel more of a camraderie (sp?) with a couple of old friends and I didn't feel that--at least not from them. One of them was my best friend in high school.
I have more to write, but I'm having some pain in my ribs and I'd better go lie down.