Well, after so many supportive and enthusiastic comments about having a few days of good eating, I hate to report that the last 2 days have been awful.
It all started with a trigger food. I have been eating past full ever since and I feel so gross.
I think I just lost my focus again.
Tomorrow my mom is having this huge party. It's one of the main reasons I came into town. There will be tons of food and I'm not going to worry about what I eat. But I am going to pay attention to my hunger/fullness signals and focus on enjoying people's company. I will be seeing lots of people that I only get to see twice a year. So I want to focus on that instead of food.
I will say that I plan to have cake. Now, with Celiac disease that is a big no no :nono3: But my doctor told me if there was a special occasion where someone makes the best cake ever or something, then I can cheat about twice a year or so.
And this cake is Pastel de Tres Leches!!! Very worth the discomfort. But I have to be prepared to spend time in the bathroom on Sunday. Sorry if that's TMI!

Anyway, even though I have been binging, I still don't feel as obsessed as I do when I'm at home. I've been thinking about this and I think the key is that I haven't been weighing myself here.
I think that stupid scale is really messing with me.
I know, I know. I have to get rid of it for a while.
So I was talking to my husband on the phone today, and I told him to have the scale hidden by the time I get home.
It was so hard for me to ask him to do that. I really want to weigh when I get home. But that tells me right there why I need to stay away from it for a while. And the temptation will be too great if it's there.

OA: I went to an OA meeting here this morning. I decided to go for 2 reasons: my sister could watch the kids and I wanted to get some books while I was there.
It was so good for me to go. I really like it. I haven't been to an OA meeting in about 12 years or so when I was suffering from bulimia.
I have been thinking about doing an online meeting when I get back, but after being at an in person meeting, I realize how powerful and more meaningful it is to do a face-to-face meeting. Of course, I haven't tried an online meeting yet, so maybe they are effective also.
But I would really like to try to attend one when I get back home. But my problem is child care.
After the meeting today, an older lady talked to me and I told her some of this. She encouraged me to pray about it. She said if I am willing, then God can find a way. I really like that she told me that and she is right. I will pray about this.
I think this may be what I need right now.

I am trying to decide what to do about CK right now. Should I renew before the 19.95 deal is up? I already have the software. I am not even logging my food right now, so that aspect is not even applicable to me right now.
I mainly just blog and comment on some other people's blogs. I love the friendships I have made here. And I was really liking the challenges, but I am not even participating in those as much anymore. Especially as I have been trying to find my own way out of my obsessive-compulsion with food and dieting. So I'm not sure. Should I pay 20 dollars to blog and read other people's blogs? I could probably do that for free. But I really like the friendships I have formed. Don't know yet. Just thinking about it.