I'm just not very motivated to blog lately. In fact, I'm wondering if I'm about done with CK. I am glad I decided not to renew.
Since I have come back from my trip, I have been much less obsessed with my weight and food. I'm not eating healthy, not by any means. And I look awful. I saw my race pictures online yesterday and I look so fat. My clothes are very tight and I know that I haven't been this heavy in a while.
Thank goodness the scale is not around or else I know I'd be in a panic. I cannot see those numbers right now. :nono3:
In spite of all those things, I feel so much better not being obsessed right now. I truly put so much energy and worry into food and weight and I was driving myself batty. I don't feel like I was emotionally present for my children. My mind was constantly thinking about weight and food.
I'm tired of that.
I want to be healthy. But I need balance and that is what I am trying to find right now. I worry that continuing with CK too much will put me back in that mindset. Although I would still like to blog and read other people's blogs. But even when I read other people's blogs sometimes it pulls me back into that mindset. That's why I'm not sure right now.
However, I must stop the free for all eating that I'm doing right now. I can't continue with that.
I have a workout plan that I will begin after labor day that I'm excited about.
I'm just not sure what to do about my trigger foods. Cutting them out altogether was messing with my head. The forbidden just looked more attractive to me and made me think about it and want it more.
I think being mindful is the key. I was praying about all of this today. And I prayed that I would be mindful of what is going on with myself so that I eat only when I'm hungry and am aware of when I want to eat for comfort or emotions. I feel like if I can do that, it will fall into place.
Of course that is the hard part. It's not easy to walk away from the kitchen cabinet when I'm feeling tired and overwhelmed by my life. That's when I need God's strength.
Well, anyway. Here's my workout plan.
Mon-walk with stroller group
Tues.-run in p.m. with my friend
Wed.-swim
Thurs.-
Fri.-spin class
That's my cardio schedule. I plan to follow Fitness magazine's drop-a-size workout for strength for the first 4 weeks. It uses supersets with compound exercises that look very doable for me right now. So I will plug that in probably Tues, Thurs and a weekend day.
Then for the 4 weeks after that I want to do Turbo Jam's advanced rotation workouts. It looks good and tough-working up to 2 videos a day. (You split them up in your day.)
So I like my workout plans. Now I just need to figure out what I want to do about food.
Yesterday when I saw my race pictures, I began to panic-like I usually do when I weigh myself. I started in with all the obsessive thoughts.
But after a short freak-out session, I stopped myself. And everytime I have started in on those thoughts I have replaced them with, "I'm taking care of myself and I'm doing something about it. I'll get to a healthy weight eventually." And that has calmed me down.
I guess that's all for now. I think I'll keep blogging about my progress.