Quick Update: I'm feeling a little better since I talked to a friend on the phone (remember Ashli anyone?). I explained how I'm not obsessing anymore but am eating horribly. She was so understanding and we talked about the rebellion that you feel after you fall off a diet and just want to go all out with the food. The all or nothing mentality that gets me in trouble so often.
She suggested I not even try to lose weight right now. Just maintain.
That feels right to me. I just don't think I can cut anything out at the moment or count anything.
So I'm going to have one focus only. Eat only when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. If I can do that, I think I can easily maintain and maybe even lose naturally (especially since I exercise regularly).
That's the plan for now.
Thanks for your supportive comments. It means so much to me.
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I'm really not sure what to do anymore.
I'm doing great with my workouts but I'm doing awful with food and I just don't know what to do about it.
I think I've given up. I'm so glad the scale is hidden or I think I would be having panic attacks. I know I'm really heavy right now. I'm wearing mostly overalls or elastic waist shorts because my regular shorts are too tight.
I think the thing is that I've failed so much. I don't even want to try anymore.
I'm so scared. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of depriving myself and then binging. I don't want to count calories. I want my food. I don't want to give anything up. I don't care if it is a trigger food.
I sound like a two year old whining.
But that's how I feel.
This was my lunch today: a bunch of Recees Pieces, Hot Tamale candies, 3 Laffy Taffys, and one of those little gourmet chocolate balls. Yeah, real nice.
We were in the mall and we went into the candy store to get an icee for my son, who was so fussy and I wanted to get him to calm down so I could finish my shopping. Anyway, that was my lunch.
Today I had decided to focus on eating only when I was hungry and not worry about any other rules. Well, I didn't even do that.
I'm just at the end.
Sorry this is so negative, but this is where I'm at right now.
We leave for KC in the morning and will be gone for the holiday weekend. I'm not worrying about food at all since it's such a challenge just to stay gluten free when we are away from home. I'm only concerned with that right now.
I'll check in when I get back.