I'm so happy! I bought an elliptical for my house the other day. It's a Schwin 430 and it was $650. I know it's not the best, but it was Consumer Report's best buy. And the best I could afford. I used the money from my graduation party.
It's really amazing because I actually prayed about getting one of these a few months ago. That may sound weird. But I realized that I had to change something about my life in order to simplify things and stay home more. It was taking so much time out of my schedule and away from my boys to go the the healthclub all the time. And I do videos but I don't always want to do them.
My plan is to do a good session when the boys nap and have my prayer/quiet time while I exercise. That may also sound wierd, but if I sit on my bed to read my Bible and pray during nap time, I fall asleep. Then not only do I not really get quality time with God (kinda hard to communicate when I'm asleep!!) but I get nothing else done. And I actually have great prayer time when I exercise. Because I'm multitasking, my mind doesn't wander as much as when I'm just sitting.

I did my first strength workout yesterday in about 2 months. Seriously, I haven't lifted weights since before I left for Chicago. My sister doesn't have any weights and I have been off my routine since I got back. August was a really crazy month for us.
Well, I did a Jari Love video and I am so sore today. I mean seriously sore--I can barely walk up/down the stairs, which I have to do 50 times a day here. It amazes me how fast your muscles weaken and forget their bulk.

I'm stumbling alot with food, but I'm making some progress. I am more aware of what's going on with me. I'm trying to be conscious of my decisions when I want to eat. Sometimes, I recognize that I'm not hungry and want to eat because of emotions, and I choose to eat anyway. I figure it's a first step learning process. I have moments where I don't eat and I'm celebrating that.
Tonight I wanted icecream but I didn't have any because I had too much Taco Bell. Bad about the TB but good for not having icecream anyway. Small steps forward.

I'm having coffee with Ashli in the morning and I'm wondering if she's going to notice all this weight I gained. What am I saying! Of course she's going to notice. I gained 15 pounds since I saw her in May! Boy that sounds so awful as I read that.
Nope, not gonna beat myself up about it. Stop right now.

Speaking of feeling like a failure, I picked up Thin Within again today and read something that really spoke to me about feeling that way.
"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is a delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing."
Actually, the book is quoting Denis Waitley.
Here's something else it said that I loved (the author's original words this time): "Failure is not something we are. Failure is something we do. There is a big difference. When we take on the identity of "a failure" we begin to act more and more in keeping with that label. Instead, we are to see ourselves as God sees us."
That spoke to me as I have been feeling so much like a failure lately and just like it says, then act more like one by continuing to eat out of control. I feel more hopeful now.
I also had a good experience at church yesterday. I felt like God was speaking to me to surrender all of this stuff to him. I have been trying to do all this in my own strength instead of relying on God.
So yesterday and today when I've been tempted to eat when not hungry, I prayed for strength and received it when I chose to.
So this very long entry is an update on what is going on with me.

I have a question for anyone reading this. My emoticons have been frozed for a few months. Wouldn't move at all. Drove me nuts. But tonight they started moving again. Any idea why?
Oh, and I noticed the clown is gone. Sarah must be so happy!
Later!