So today I attempted to do what I've been talking about (but not doing)--stopping the emotional eating. It was so hard and I was only partly successful. It was a tough day, even though it was Saturday. It was just busy and my husband was a little crabby.
I wanted to eat so many moments today. But I didn't. I prayed and tried to give God the anxiety that was driving me to eat.
But after dinner, I think I had just had it. I was tired and crabby and I just wanted some comfort. My husband suggested I go get some Mudslide mix so we could make some drinks. But I didn't want to go anywhere and neither did he. See, alcohol is his stress reliever and food is mine. So after I got Carter to bed, I dived into the M&Ms and I had a Pepsi. Not awful. But it was stress eating and that is what I want to stop.
I think I just felt like I was fighting my cravings all day, dealing with energetic kids who didn't get proper naps. I was tired too as I stayed up too late last night. I haven't had any time alone with my husband and I'm feeling neglected by him. Plus my house is a mess in spite of the fact that I cleaned like crazy to get ready for my party on Thursday. How did it get completely wrecked so fast? And really, it's only partly the kids. I can deal with their messes. It's my husband's junk that I don't know what to do with that drives me up a wall.
I think I feel out of control. I hate that feeling. I don't even seem to have control over what is on my kitchen table, let alone my finances or my marriage. Ugh!
But did eating help give me control? No. Of course not. It only gave me a temporary escape and a new place to focus my anxiety--on gaining weight. So I escape the true problem and instead put my attention on what I think I may have control over (eating and weight loss) when in reality I keep proving that I'm out of control in that area too. But perhaps it at least has the illusion of control.

Okay, to sum up: today was my first attempt at not eating in response to emotions. I give myself credit for even attempting that and for the successful moments of the day.
I give myself credit for being more aware of things and facing them head on instead of escaping. At least I'm analyzing in retrospect my behavior and the underlying issues involved.
And I give myself credit for writing about it here.
I think writing about things and examining my behavior and the issues like I'm doing now is going to be key if I'm going to overcome emotional eating.