Well, it has not been a stellar week with food. I did well until Thursday when we went to Silver Dollar City with my friend who had a free pass for me. I brought healthy snacks, but still chose to eat some junk while I was there. Including an icecream sundae.
Yesterday was a real struggle, but I did okay until the evening when I made sugar cookies with my son. I had a few too many. But the rest of the day was okay.
Today was very stressful and it's only half over. We went to a car show that is geared toward kids. They gave out candy like crazy, every time the kids played a game. So I ate some candy. Then Carter (17months) is such a little monster right now. He was running us ragged. He wanted to run all over the place and get into everything. He throw a fit if we put him in his stroller. He is at a tough age to be taking places.
I left early wtih him and he fell asleep immediately in the car. And I drove through a frozen custard joint to reward myself for the stress I was feeling. Not a good choice, I know.
He's asleep now and my husband and older son are still at the show. I have a few blessed moments alone (where I should be doing a million other things).
I made a list this morning of everything I am worried about right now. And it mostly had to do with the fact that I feel like I am failing as a mom and not doing everything I should for them. And that I am feeling unloved and neglected in my marriage (again).
And I also wrote my struggle with housework and my worry about weight and the way I look.
All of these things make me want to eat. I just want to hide in the food and escape for a little while.
I hate feeling this way. Like I'm not enough for my kids. Or my husband.
I just want to let go and let God, but I don't know how right now.