Update: I am so sick. I have been so much sicker than when I blogged earlier and Cyn was right. It's not gluten, it's a stomach bug. I can tell because it's been getting worse as the day goes on while a gluten reaction hits hard once and then gets better. I have been in the bathroom all day and my husband had to actually feed the kids dinner! Can you believe that? I was laying on the couch and I think they had yogurt, fruit, pediasure and a donut. I was too sick to care. It sounded somewhat healthy to me. Just have to get more protien in them tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel better!
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Well, I've actually been doing better lately and have been meaning to blog for a while now and just haven't gotten around to it.
I had a long talk with my husband over the weekend about a lot of things, including my struggle with food and weight. He was understanding and supportive, but concerned about how he sees me eat junk and then try to make up for it with exercise. He gave me a lot of ideas about what to do instead. I also talked to him about my mother-guilt and as I talked with him about it, I felt much better. I seemed to get things in perspective more and I let go of some of the guilt issues.
I also felt like I could stop the emotional eating when I have him supporting me.
So those were some good breakthroughs.
But here's the negative stuff. Yesterday and today have not been so great with food.
I have been sick to my stomach and have had "D" and i feel lousy. I think it's from Celiac disease. I think I must have eaten something with gluten but I can't figure out what. I may just have a stomach bug. But this is what I hate about Celiac--You just never know what is making you sick.
I'm usually not sensative to small amounts of gluten. I can handle cross contamination without getting sick. So that is why I can't figure out what the problem is.
I think that is why I ate off plan. At least today it was. I ate m&ms to make myself feel better. Because I was feeling some self pity. Well, guess what? Not only does my stomach not feel better, but now I feel mad at myself for eating junk.
Now this happened yesterday, but the reason I got off track is because I got to the point of starving and started eating chips while I made lunch. I think that's fine, but I had too many. I had the equivalent of 3 servings. So then I did "guilt" eating. I ate more junk later because I was feeling bad.
None of that helps. I only feel worse. I need to learn this lesson and remember this next time I want to eat something I shouldn't.
The good thing is that I have stopped myself from eating junk. There are times when I have wanted something and remembered how bad I would feel afterwards and I chose not to eat itl. So I slipped a few times, but I am making progress.
I think writing about it here is a key for me as I examine my behavior and motives and then make corrections.
So a goal for today: let go of the m&ms I ate this morning and no guilt eating. Make the rest of the day a good day.