I have not been blogging here lately for a few reasons. But I plan to try to keep up with it more.
I've been busy in the evenings, but I've also been spending time at the PNP website (phit-n-phat.com). I've been reading her blog for several months now and she opened up her online personal training up to more people and I decided to join.
I know I shouldn 't have spent the money on it (credit card ) but this is the last big thing I'm spending on. Seriously. Really.
Anyway, I thought long and hard about this and I decided to do it for a few reasons. I hurt my arm and have not been able to do my normal workouts. I'm going to see a specialist in a couple weeks and then she can help me tweak a strength program that will work with whatever is going on.
Next, the women on that site are struggling with very similar issues to mine with food. Most of them also love to exercise, but mess up with the food. I have been impacted again and again by the simple wisdom I read over there when it comes to emotional eating and such.
Many of the people there are moms like me, some working some SAHM, and struggle exactly the way I do. Well, maybe not exactly. I tend to make things much more complicated than they need to be.
So anyway, that is what is going on with me.
It's a "requirement" to journal at least 3x a week there, but I may do my more emotional journaling here. The focus there is my workout and food.
The food program can be anything I want it to be. But they recommend either Clean Eating or something like Weight Watchers. It looks like alot of people use SparkPeople. I think I'm the only CKer.
so I'm struggling (AGAIN) with what I want to do with my food program. I seem to be an all or nothing person. I have trouble just having a little bit of certain foods or smaller portions the way most people can.
One things that really impacted me was Corinne's (the trainer) emphasis on how this is a lifestyle, not a diet. I have been thinking about what I can live with the rest of my life. She advocates clean eating with one splurge meal each week. (Instead of a whole free day like BFL which just messed me up so bad). She says that clean eating is not for everyone and that if you are going to do it, you need make a slow transition and not just make a dramatic overnight change.
I really like the way she explains that.
So here's what I'm thinking: I'm going to start by (once again) cutting out my trigger foods, except for a splurge meal. I plan to have protein pudding and jello with cool whip for desserts (and maybe some other minor things that I won't go crazy over).
I'm going to focus on planning my meals (that's a big thing at that site) and attempting to get a protein and complex carb in at each meal. But if I can't, I'm not going to stress about it.
I'm not going to get crazy like I did with BFL. I'm going to make slow gradual changes. If my kids and hubby are roasting marshmallows in the back yard, I'm going to join them. But I'm not going to snack on marshmallows during the day ( Ashli ).
Some differences between now and BFL: I'm more aware of what is going on with myself emotionally and my issues in this area. I'm leaning on God for support whereas before I was trying to do this all on my own. I have a different kind of support system that I think is more tailored to my needs. I will be working with a counselor on my emotional eating and eating disorder tendancies. (That's a big one!)
I am also reading a book that is making a big impact on me. It's called 100 Days of Weight Loss and each day you read a short 2 page motivational entry and make a short journal entry. So far this book has been right on with everything I struggle with and has been very helpful.
Wow. I guess I had a lot to catch up on. I was only going to write a quick update. I'll be writing more about this journey here as I figure it out. My prayer is that I can find freedom from bondage to food (that I create), my all or nothing thinking, and my whole messed up eating disorder thinking.
I want to find balance and a healthy relationship with food.