What a week! We found out on Wednesday that Carter (20 months) needs to get tubes in his ears. They tested his hearing and he is not hearing properly and his ear drums are not moving the way they should. Thank goodness his speech is pretty well. He seems to be able to say a lot of words, more than Collin did at that age.
Then today I met with the school district about Collin's speech evaluation (he's 3). And it turns out he does qualify for speech therapy. He is not making the K sound at all and some other sounds. I am surprised and at the same time I'm not. I don't know how to explain that. But we will start therapy twice a week after Christmas break. I am going to tell the therapist about his sensory integration issues and see if she can suggest some mouth exercises and things we can do at home. So I am glad about this. I just hope it's not too much between that and preschool 3 days a week.

Yesterday I talked about how I might not eat back all my exercise calories because I know I eat bites of my kids' food and stuff that doesn't get logged. Well, I copied and pasted part of that post in my journal at PNP. Corinne told me that is exactly what I need to do. She said I need to aim for 1500 cals on days I do 40mins or less of exercise or have a DOR and 1700 when I do more than that. And then don't subtract the exercise cals and I should lose weight.

This is so stupid but it really scares me to do that. I reconfigured my targets and I'm so worried about going over. I think I have really counted on the exercise calories to "bail" me out. I think this is going to be good for me because I need to watch things a little bit closer, but at the same time, I don't want to get obsessed or have a deprivation mindset.
I got so anxious about this when we got home this afternoon. My son wanted icecream. I had a few bites out of the carton. Then I went back and got more. I finally just had a bowl and then a little more. All because I was having anxiety about how I count calories. That is so dumb! I need to remember that my focus right now is two-fold: conquer emotional eating and fit into my jeans comfortably. I'm not trying to be perfect, I'm trying to stop binging and eating emotionally. So I can chill out and not freak out about this already.

My husband and I had another incident last night. I thought things were getting so much better but then he was crabby all night. And the worst thing-the clincher for me was when he criticised me to our son. That set me off and I told him no way was I going to put up with that. He didn't want to talk about it last night at all. Just outright refused. I was so upset, but I didn't eat over it even though I wanted to.
He got up super early this morning and did lots of thinking. He woke me up so we could talk about things. I feel better about things. He says he doesn't want things to continue this way either and knows things need to change. So I think we got some things worked out. I'm just going to have to stay right on top of it and call him on it when he starts treating me inappropriately.

I am scrapbooking tonight so I better go get ready.