NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Dec 19 2007 - issues, issues
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I feel like I have so much to write about today.
First, my knee is hurting really bad. I ran on the treadmill on Monday and had never done that before and I think it messed up one of my knees. I am calling the ortho doc again tomorrow. I can't do any upper body work due to the bicep tendonitis. So I am telling you, my knee better not make me out of comission also.
I have been trying to really pay attention to my self-talk today as my counselor told me to and the book I'm reading is also about that. What I'm noticing when it comes to food, I am telling myself I can't do this. It's too hard. I can't control it and stick to a plan.
Interesting. I think everytime I fail/mess up, I think it reinforces this thought pattern. The counselor said it is an error in thinking. Definitely messed up thinking. But I don't know how to stop this. I am so all-or-nothing/perfectionistic with my thinking. For some reason, the simple solution of telling myself the opposite doesn't seem all that powerful to me. So I need to read the next chapter in the book!!!
It's really interesting to see what it is I'm telling myself about all this. I think it's really powerful.
The other interesting thing has to do with me standing up for myself. Yesterday (again with the counselor) when I told her about what's going on with hubby and how I am learning to assert myself with him, she asked if I noticed this pattern in any other area of my life. I said no, I couldn't think of anything. And lo, and behold, a situation today proves me wrong. I made an appt yesterday for my boys to see the doctor as my older son has been coughing for 3 weeks. They offered me a 1:30 time. I told them I was concerned about that as my son's preschool program went until 1:00 and I didn't want to be late. I said I could take a later time. She said, no it was okay. I had a 15 minute window so as long as I was there by 1:45 I'd be fine. I got there at 1:45 on the dot. Maybe even 1:44.
Seriously, though and they wouldn't let us see the doctor. I was stunned and embarrassed and felt like this was my fault. I said nothing and just took the 9:30 appt for the next day that they offered.
I went to my car and called my husband and told him what happened. He asked if I explained to them about the phone call the day before. No, I hadn't. Why didn't I say anything?! My husband called and explained everything and complained to them. I'm glad he did, but I should have said something right there and then. I should have insisted that my boys be seen. I learned a lesson and also saw that this really is a pattern for me sometimes, but one that I am now learning to change.
Okay, well I guess that's all for now.
First, my knee is hurting really bad. I ran on the treadmill on Monday and had never done that before and I think it messed up one of my knees. I am calling the ortho doc again tomorrow. I can't do any upper body work due to the bicep tendonitis. So I am telling you, my knee better not make me out of comission also.
I have been trying to really pay attention to my self-talk today as my counselor told me to and the book I'm reading is also about that. What I'm noticing when it comes to food, I am telling myself I can't do this. It's too hard. I can't control it and stick to a plan.
Interesting. I think everytime I fail/mess up, I think it reinforces this thought pattern. The counselor said it is an error in thinking. Definitely messed up thinking. But I don't know how to stop this. I am so all-or-nothing/perfectionistic with my thinking. For some reason, the simple solution of telling myself the opposite doesn't seem all that powerful to me. So I need to read the next chapter in the book!!!
It's really interesting to see what it is I'm telling myself about all this. I think it's really powerful.
The other interesting thing has to do with me standing up for myself. Yesterday (again with the counselor) when I told her about what's going on with hubby and how I am learning to assert myself with him, she asked if I noticed this pattern in any other area of my life. I said no, I couldn't think of anything. And lo, and behold, a situation today proves me wrong. I made an appt yesterday for my boys to see the doctor as my older son has been coughing for 3 weeks. They offered me a 1:30 time. I told them I was concerned about that as my son's preschool program went until 1:00 and I didn't want to be late. I said I could take a later time. She said, no it was okay. I had a 15 minute window so as long as I was there by 1:45 I'd be fine. I got there at 1:45 on the dot. Maybe even 1:44.
Seriously, though and they wouldn't let us see the doctor. I was stunned and embarrassed and felt like this was my fault. I said nothing and just took the 9:30 appt for the next day that they offered. I went to my car and called my husband and told him what happened. He asked if I explained to them about the phone call the day before. No, I hadn't. Why didn't I say anything?! My husband called and explained everything and complained to them. I'm glad he did, but I should have said something right there and then. I should have insisted that my boys be seen. I learned a lesson and also saw that this really is a pattern for me sometimes, but one that I am now learning to change.
Okay, well I guess that's all for now.
6 comments so far.
6.
a decade ago
I am your equal partner in all or nothing and not standing up for myself!
:kiss: 
:love: you!
by MOM22SONZ
5.
a decade ago
oh its not that I dont like PNP....i do, I just prefer to journal/blog here because 1) i dont have much time to blog on 2 sites, respond to journals, etc and 2) i feel like i made some really good friendships here and because of time restraints feel like i dont have time to make friends over there, its like i dont have enough time to comment everywhere. As for BFL, I never took the free day, so thats not really a huge problem for me. I always counted my sunday family dinners as my free day (although I always did a long cardio session prior) I think ill think about it over break and decide by new years. I just think i need some sort of plan to stick too and I really like doing weighs. we'll see
by KR1814
4.
a decade ago
by PJENA
3.
a decade ago
im sorry your knee is bothering you. I hear ya on the self-talk and the all or nothing/perfectionistic thinking. I am the exact same way. I'm feeling down today too, my weight is up and I cant workout. Hopefully I can shake this crappy attitude. Have a better day
by KR1814
2.
a decade ago
Morning! What a day! I'm so sorry your knee is giving you so much trouble. If they send you to therapy, I have a really good friend who is a therapist at St. John's Sports Medicine. I would love for you to work with her! The doctor situation would have ticked me off. I would have said something for sure, so I can see we need to get you to a more assertive place. You can do it, though, you are so intuitive and pick up on things and analyze things so well. So once you identify the area you want to change, especially something like that, I think you'll do really well addressing it. On my hair, I am going to try to style it the way she did. I was soooo ready for a change!
by JEWELRYLADEE
1.
a decade ago
I'm so glad you're getting this book, Nikki - I really think you'll get something out of it.
:love: As for the standing up for yourself, I do think that's related to the food issues. You've gotten used to putting yourself last, and that sets you up to feel like a failure. But you are taking good steps to resolve this issue. I think you should get yourself some kind of treat (not food 
=D ) every time during a day when you DO stand up for yourself, either to your husband or to people being unreasonable or to the part of you saying that you can't do it!
by SFARRANT