I am writing a quick update, as it's late and I'm tired. I've been busy playing with my kids and their new toys, cleaning up the house which was trashed from the holiday and trying to recover from the holiday. Our Christmas was nice. We got the boys way too much stuff, as did their grandparents, but they are so happy. Next year we won't go so overboard. We even put stuff away for birthdays because we had so much stuff. I did not get some things I asked for and that's fine, but the thing that bothers me about it was my husband claimed he was having trouble shopping for me when he started a few days before Christmas and would not go anywhere other than Walmart. I said, "Well, what about the cd I wanted?" He didn't want to go to a music store and Walmart didn't have it. I also wanted some fudge or mint meltaways from the Candy House. He forgot and also didn't want to go there. I don't mean to sound whiny or ungrateful. I was just irritated with his laziness. He did do one thing that absolutely redeemed him. He got me massage gift certificates! I didn't even ask for that and I love to get massages! I know he went out of his way to get those, so I am impressed. He doesn't like the gift I got for him, but I wasn't sure about it when I got it. It's a heavy-duty foot and calf massager. The kind they have at Brookstone, but a less expensive model. I got it on ebay for a good price. He hasn't opened the box yet. He doesn't know if he wants it, even though he has foot problems and is always asking me for a massage. He thinks he wants to sell it and use the money to buy something for his car. Whatever! I was trying to be thoughtful and unique. He said he really just wanted things for his car, but I couldn't really buy him that. Oh well.

I didn't plan to write so much. I just got started and kept going, I guess.
Anyway, food has been horrible. I am discouraged with my own stupid thinking and ways I limit myself.
I feel like I keep messing up and I sometimes I just don't feel like trying anymore. And I'm afraid you, my friends, who read my blog and support me, will get fed up with my failures and get tired of reading my blog of ups and downs. I think that's because that is how I feel about myself.
Well, I finally got the book Sarah recommended to me called "Fit from Within." And I was reading it while I was on the elliptical tonight. The chapter I read about giving up the notiong of blowing it really hit home wtih what I'm struggling with. Listen to this:
"The blowing it concept is a setup. It's a mind game overeaters play to give themselves permission to eat for a fix. If you blow it, you have to throw in the towel. Give up. Wallow in remorse. Eat for three days and be really miserable. Then you have to face the daunting prospect of starting over. Instead, don't blow it....Keep your expectations realistic... and disallow the concept itself. Say to yourself, "Yeah, you ate alot. Sometimes that will happen. Let it go."
Wow. This is exactly what is going on with me. That all or nothing thinking is trapping me. And to be honest, maybe I am using that as permission to eat for a fix. That's a hard truth to face.
Well, my dear friends, I am not going to give up. No matter how many times I fall on my face, I will figure this out. I will not let food rule me or defeat me.
Okay, I wrote alot more than I planned to. I'd better go to bed now. Goodnight.