(Nice attitude, huh?)
Okay, with encouragement from Ashli, I am going to ressurrect my old blog format. I was already thinking about it anyway and she gave me the push I needed to do it.

Food Report
The first part of the day was okay. I really tried to focus on the here and now and notice my emotions so I wouldn't eat over them. But after lunch I went downhill. I honestly can't pinpoint what happened to trigger it. I think, maybe just some anxiety over making changes. Good old fear of change. It's hard to deal with things head on and not hide in my "fix".
Then hubby came home. It really went downhill from there. I'm PMSing and the things he said and the tone of voice he used were not as bad as they have been in the past, but it really got to me. Staying in the moment and feeling the pain was too much. It really hurt and I felt really mad too. I felt fed up with my marriage and just tired of being married. I felt hopeless and basically felt sorry for myself. So I had way more chips than I needed. The weird thing is I kept trying to think of some other food that I wanted more, that would make me feel better, because the chips weren't doing it and nothing else sounded good. I knew exactly what I was doing, but I did it anyway.
I remember when I was recovering from bulimia, the awareness came first. My behavior didn't change for a little while. Eventually the awareness was followed by better choices. So I think that is what will happen here too. At least I am being honest with myself.

Exercise Report
I went to the Y today to workout, which was hard because my older son did not want to go there. I usually go when he's in school because I know he doesn't like it (although once he's there, he's fine). But I tried a new workout today that was really fun and challenging. It was the Around The World treadmill workout from PNP. I was pretty self-conscious doing it as the Y was packed and every machine was taken. You walk forward for one minute, then you shuffle on the left for one min, walk backwards for 1 min, and shuffle on the right for one min. And you repeat for 20 mins. The pace on the side and backwards part is slow, but the incline is 5. It is so much tougher than it sounds. I was amazed at what a great workout it was and it was a great challenge. I burned over 200 calories--I think somewhere around 235. Then I did 15 mins on the elliptical. I felt really good after doing that.

Daily Joy
This section is where I report what I have done for myself--to take time for myself.
Last night I took a hot bubble bath. I haven't done that in so long and I decided I'm going to do that more often. It felt really good and I soaked and read a good book.
Tonight I'm going to scrapbook and watch some movies I rented. I got Bourne Ultimatum and the first 4 episodes of Lost. I didn't realize they are due tomorrow and there is no way I'll be able to watch them all, so I may have to keep them another night. My husband will go to bed early so that will be my time for me and my celebration of the new year. (Exciting, right?)

Daily Gratitude
Today I focused on staying in the moment with my kids. I am trying to be emotionally present with them and not thinking about a million other things (that don't really matter anyway.) I did well with this today and really enjoyed them. While Carter took a nap, I cleaned. But when I was done, I played with Collin in his room for a long time. We played "spaceship" on his bed, played some weird form of golf, and did some puzzles. So I'm really thankful for the quality time I had with him today.

Usually I have an Other Stuff section, but I really don't have anything else since I already vented about my marriage and that is what is really bothering me at the moment.
Actually, I do have something else that I want to write about. I was thinking earlier as I was upset, that it really seems/feels like my husband's behavior is causing all my misery. If only he didn't have such a negative attitude, or didn't swear, or drink. If only we had time to spend together.
But it can't be all his fault. I know part of my contribution to the problem has been not setting limits. But I wonder what else is my part in all this. Just something I was reflecting on earlier today.