NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Thursday, Jan 31 2008 - Getting Burned out
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
It's been such a busy day. I have been wanting to blog all day and never had a chance. I'm feeling very stressed out, just down and frustrated in general.
First, I went to my stroller exercise group, then took Collin to speech, then took him to the doctor because he has a bad cough. Carter was along for all of this.
Well, I have not been feeling well either the past few days. Sore throat, my ear hurts and I'm really, really tired. So I was crabby today. And I snapped at my boys alot. And I raised my voice more than once. I feel really bad about this as this is not like me. I'm usually pretty patient, but Collin was obnoxious today for some reason (probably the weather) and I had just had it. Carter has been really whiny and they have been fighting with each other. I think I just kept having thoughts like, the bickering is only going to get worse as they get older. Then how will I handle it? This is hard enough. And as I am queen
of guilt trips, I have felt guilty about all this. I think I just don't want to talk to my kids the way my sister talks to hers. She is a great mom, except for that one area IMO. So all of this has been affecting my food to some extent.
Food Report
I haven't binged really, but I have made a few poor choices. So the key is to not let those slip ups derail me. Yesterday I was feeling sick, tired, and sorry for myself. I just wanted soup and the only way for me to have decent gluten free soup is to make it myself from scratch. Well, that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't even going to go to alot of trouble for dinner. In the end I made pizza (I use frozen gluten free pizza crust, so it's not hard). I had pop with it. It didn't seem so terrible but when I logged it, it put me way over!
I had some hot chocolate later with a little dry cereal (not very much though, maybe a cup). So not horrible, but not the best.
Today was better until dinner (again). I made taco soup for dinner and I usually don't have chips with it. But I said, screw it. Had some chips with it and some sprite. The good thing is I only had one serving and not half the bag.
It was definitly an emotional decision though. Both yesterday and today I could have made better choices. There were other easier things I could have cooked besides pizza. I think I just wanted to make myself feel better and today I felt like I "deserved" it. Well, it didn't make me feel better. Only guilty. And this morning I was feeling the discouragement of "I can't do this, it's too hard" about losing weight and eating healthy. But I talked myself out of that thinking.
I am reminded of the saying "Fall seven times, get up eight." And that's exactly what I feel like I'm doing. I am not going to give up no matter how hard it is, how long it takes, or how many times I fall. I will fit into my jeans again.
Exercise
60 min walk w/strength intervals 388 cals. I didn't do any yesterday as I was feeling pretty yucky.
Daily Joy
Yesterday I was so determined to scrapbook. I have been "craving" scrapbooking, if that makes sense. So I put on some dvd episodes of Lost (I'm trying to get caught up) and worked on a kit.I'm going to do the same tonight. I'm watching the new episode tonight as I taped it and can't wait!
Daily Gratitude
I don't feel very thankful today.
But I was able to tell my husband about my day and how discouraged I felt. I asked him for a hug. Later I was thinking about what I really needed (instead of food) and I thought about how nice it would be to just have him hold me for a little while. I knew that would never happen so I let it go. Well, after I put Carter to bed, I came downstairs and he and Collin were watching a movie and Chris cuddled me up on his chest so I got my wish. He just held me for a few minutes. I was amazed and so thankful for that.
Other
That reminds me, I had a talk with my husband yesterday morning about his drinking. I prayed about it ahead of time that he would be open to what I had to say and that I would know what to say. Well, he was in a good mood, so when he was eating breakfast, I told him I didn't want to condemn him at all, I just want to know what he was thinking about why he had a few drinks on Mon and Tues. He explained his thinking and what he wants to do different.
I figured even if he was defensive and rationalized his behavior (which he did a little), my bringing it up would at least get him thinking about it.
Oh, and I went to put Collin down for a nap today. It was probably around 3 (late, I know). I fell asleep (I know, I'm trying not to do that anymore but i was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open through reading books). I feel into such a deep sleep that Collin was asking me questions and I couldn't answer. I woke up at 5:20.
I couldn't believe I slept that much and that hard. I was really exhausted. So I'm glad I got in that nap.
Goodness, another long entry. Thanks for hanging in there with me if you made it this far.
First, I went to my stroller exercise group, then took Collin to speech, then took him to the doctor because he has a bad cough. Carter was along for all of this.
Well, I have not been feeling well either the past few days. Sore throat, my ear hurts and I'm really, really tired. So I was crabby today. And I snapped at my boys alot. And I raised my voice more than once. I feel really bad about this as this is not like me. I'm usually pretty patient, but Collin was obnoxious today for some reason (probably the weather) and I had just had it. Carter has been really whiny and they have been fighting with each other. I think I just kept having thoughts like, the bickering is only going to get worse as they get older. Then how will I handle it? This is hard enough. And as I am queen
of guilt trips, I have felt guilty about all this. I think I just don't want to talk to my kids the way my sister talks to hers. She is a great mom, except for that one area IMO. So all of this has been affecting my food to some extent.Food Report
I haven't binged really, but I have made a few poor choices. So the key is to not let those slip ups derail me. Yesterday I was feeling sick, tired, and sorry for myself. I just wanted soup and the only way for me to have decent gluten free soup is to make it myself from scratch. Well, that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't even going to go to alot of trouble for dinner. In the end I made pizza (I use frozen gluten free pizza crust, so it's not hard). I had pop with it. It didn't seem so terrible but when I logged it, it put me way over!
I had some hot chocolate later with a little dry cereal (not very much though, maybe a cup). So not horrible, but not the best.Today was better until dinner (again). I made taco soup for dinner and I usually don't have chips with it. But I said, screw it. Had some chips with it and some sprite. The good thing is I only had one serving and not half the bag.
It was definitly an emotional decision though. Both yesterday and today I could have made better choices. There were other easier things I could have cooked besides pizza. I think I just wanted to make myself feel better and today I felt like I "deserved" it. Well, it didn't make me feel better. Only guilty. And this morning I was feeling the discouragement of "I can't do this, it's too hard" about losing weight and eating healthy. But I talked myself out of that thinking.
I am reminded of the saying "Fall seven times, get up eight." And that's exactly what I feel like I'm doing. I am not going to give up no matter how hard it is, how long it takes, or how many times I fall. I will fit into my jeans again.
Exercise
60 min walk w/strength intervals 388 cals.
I didn't do any yesterday as I was feeling pretty yucky.Daily Joy
Yesterday I was so determined to scrapbook. I have been "craving" scrapbooking, if that makes sense. So I put on some dvd episodes of Lost (I'm trying to get caught up) and worked on a kit.
I'm going to do the same tonight. I'm watching the new episode tonight as I taped it and can't wait!Daily Gratitude
I don't feel very thankful today.
But I was able to tell my husband about my day and how discouraged I felt. I asked him for a hug. Later I was thinking about what I really needed (instead of food) and I thought about how nice it would be to just have him hold me for a little while. I knew that would never happen so I let it go. Well, after I put Carter to bed, I came downstairs and he and Collin were watching a movie and Chris cuddled me up on his chest so I got my wish. He just held me for a few minutes. I was amazed and so thankful for that.Other
That reminds me, I had a talk with my husband yesterday morning about his drinking. I prayed about it ahead of time that he would be open to what I had to say and that I would know what to say. Well, he was in a good mood, so when he was eating breakfast, I told him I didn't want to condemn him at all, I just want to know what he was thinking about why he had a few drinks on Mon and Tues. He explained his thinking and what he wants to do different.
I figured even if he was defensive and rationalized his behavior (which he did a little), my bringing it up would at least get him thinking about it.Oh, and I went to put Collin down for a nap today. It was probably around 3 (late, I know). I fell asleep (I know, I'm trying not to do that anymore but i was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open through reading books). I feel into such a deep sleep that Collin was asking me questions and I couldn't answer. I woke up at 5:20.
I couldn't believe I slept that much and that hard. I was really exhausted. So I'm glad I got in that nap. Goodness, another long entry. Thanks for hanging in there with me if you made it this far.
5 comments so far.
5.
a decade ago
Oh, and my schedule is back to normal today. I got to see my boys this morning.
:love: And, turkey bacon really doesn't taste like regular. Well, it kind of does, but the texture is way off. I don't mind because I'm not a huge meat eater. I was actually a vegetarian for 8 years and bacon doesn't do it for me. I like the less greasy turkey bacon. Hubby hates it, which is why I buy it just for me and make just a few slices when we're having something with bacon. Plus, the regular bacon we buy is all natural and the turkey probably isn't and processed meats bug the little one's tummy so the regular bacon is better for him because it doesn't have any addititives/nitrates/whatever.
by PJENA
4.
a decade ago
by PJENA
3.
a decade ago
Nikki, you are struggling with so many different things - not only do you have to worry about food restrictions for weight loss reasons, you need to worry about what food you can eat on top of it -- all of that definitely lends itself to feeling "restricted" about food. That's a tough battle.
:clap: to you for putting your needs out there with your husband...baby steps!
by NMA5632
2.
a decade ago
I wish we could turn the "I deserve this food" around somehow. It's right where I am as well. As I'm eating it I'm thinking "I'm going to regret this later!" and the food never actually pleases me, and I DO feel bad about it later. So what is it we're saying we "deserve"? This misery?
:nono5: We are BETTER THAN THIS, Nikki. Let's make today our truly deserving day and not clutter our bodies with this unnecessary guilt food! 
:kiss:
by SFARRANT
1.
a decade ago
Wow Nikki, it sounds like you have a lot going on. I think you should take a nap when you need it.
:hi:
You made a few choices that you regret but it's not about being perfect, it's about doing what you can. You did a lot of really good things today. You ate a reasonable amount of pizza (the calories were high but you didn't stuff yourself), you snuggled with Collin for a nap, you expressed your needs to your husband (and had them met!), and you bravely brought up a topic with your husband that could not be easy.
Be gentle with yourself.
by MARJORIEO