Great News!!!
I got a call today from Collin's preschool. I have an interview there next week for a 2 day/week teaching position for the fall. It would be Tues./Thurs. from 9am-1pm in the 3yr old room where Collin is now.
Let me explain a little more. I had decided quite a while ago that I would need to work a little bit in order to pay my student loan payment. I got it deferred until next December, but I knew I would have to do something because we can't add another payment right now.
So a year ago now, I applied at his school. I love it there and my kids will be able to go free if I work there! Plus the workday is short. I'll be there with my kids (although not in the same room and that's not such a bad thing, but I can keep an eye on them.) So when I first put in my application the director told me there were no openings and usually they don't have openings because it is such a great job for stay at home moms like me.
Well, I prayed about it and got the most positive assurance that this is the job for me. I can't explain it but I have only had this feeling a few times in my life. Where I knew ahead of time that God would answer this prayer. I just felt so sure and such a peace about it. The other time was with a job also and another time was with a completely different situation. And it's not just because I want it either. There have been other jobs and things that I wanted to happen and did not feel this assurance from God that I have these few times.
So again, I had this feeling of assurance that I would get this job and I felt this almost a year ago. Well, I mentioned to a friend of mine about this and she understandably thought I was crazy and encouraged me to apply to another preschool. I thought alot about what she said and decided to pray about whether or not I should apply elsewhere. That was just a few weeks ago. I have just loved this school so much and what they've done for Collin that I would hate to pull him out of it and put him in another school where I had to go to work. But I would do it if I had to.
And not to get ahead of myself. I don't have the job yet. I have the interview next Wednesday and I haven't had a job interview in a long time. I taught for 8 years and then had Collin almost 4 years ago. So I haven't had an interview in almost 12 years! And a preschool interview is completely different than a public school interview. But should be easier at least.
Okay, I feel like I'm rambling here. But I had to share my good news. God is so good to me and it amazes me how He hears my prayers and takes care of me.
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Food Report
So I had a big binge day yesterday. Had my meals all planned out. We went grocery shopping. While I was there my husband called me and I asked him if there was anything he wanted me to get him. He said he needed snacks for work. I figured, no problem because they won't be in the house. Well, Collin picked out Fritos and I got a bag of pretzels (we can't have those anyway). The boys broke open the bag in the store. I really thought I could handle it. They smelled so good. Then I thought I would just have a few. A few handfuls later, I was in way over my head. I stopped tasting them after a while and was just eating them because I had already started.
So then I thought, Well, I get on track the rest of the day and put this behind me. It will feel so good to report that at least I didn't let it ruin the whole day. Right? Uh, that didn't happen either. Total free for all the rest of the day. Okay, no more buying snacks for hubby. He can get his own snacks.

Okay, so here's the positive. I don't feel like I've been run over and can't get up again like I have in the past when I've binged. Before I would feel like such a failure and feel like I can't do this, I'll never be successful, etc. with the negative self-talk. But right now and even yesterday in the midst of it all, I knew I would be okay. I knew I would get back on track. So making some progress with the mental side of this struggle for me. Little

What I keep thinking about is that I want to be free of the "chains" food/weight issues have on my life. I"m so tired of thinking about it all the time and worrying about it. I really want my focus to be God and my family. I want to think about those things instead of food and my weight. There are days where my thoughts are consumed by what I've eaten, what I'm going to eat, how my clothes fit, how I feel about my body and myself. I just want to get out of myself for a while (or permanently) and focus on more healthy things. If you struggle with food issues, you can probably relate to all this.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the new counselor, the one I saw in December. She is so booked that I couldn't get an appt until Feb. But now I have appt every two weeks. So that's But I hope to work on these things with her.

That's really all I have to say at the moment. Actually I'm sure I have lots more to say. I always do. But as I'm updating in the morning instead of the evening I don't have as much time. So maybe I can update more later.