NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Thursday, Feb 14 2008 - V-day
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
:Sigh: Well, I got another "your membership will expire tomorrow" message today. So I tried to renew again and it failed again. I submitted a support ticket and hopefully I will still be here tomorrow. But if I'm not, that's the reason why.
My valentines day has had its ups and downs and I almost didn't want to blog, because I'm going to sound so ungrateful.
But here goes:
He didn't say anything this morning or the first time he called me about something. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. The next time we talked on the phone (I called to tell him our phone and internet were out again) he said he might go to Home Depot after work and that he probably needed to get me something for Valentines Day. (Ya think?
) But he didn't know what to get me. He said he went to the Candy House yesterday (that's what I asked for) but that there was a line all the way out the door and he didn't want to wait in the line. I felt a little better that he even tried.
I told him it didn't matter what he did, but I just wanted him to show he cared. If that meant getting me something tomorrow, fine. I was okay with that.
He called me at lunch and said he had just gone to get me something.
Okay, I was impressed.
Fast forward to this evening. He gave me a very nice card and sugar free peanut butter fudge from the Candy House. Okay, I'm impressed that he went there. But sugar free?
I asked about that and he said he thought that was what I wanted, that that was the whole reason I wanted fudge from there. Um, no-just because it's good from there. And I don't like peanut butter fudge. Of course, I didn't tell him that. I was just grateful he put in some effort.
Well, I have yucky reactions to sugar free substitutes. I had 2 small pieces of fudge and my stomach was upset the whole night.
Fast forward a little later and he said something that really hurt me and was just really insensitive. I called my mom after he went to put Collin to bed and I asked if I was overreacting or being sensitive. She didn't think so. In fact, she thinks he quite selfish and bitter about being the sole breadwinner and not being able to have anything he wants (all true). But she pointed out the selfishness of not wanting to stand in line to get what I wanted and then how he ended up getting me the wrong thing. I'm not sure about that. I do know though, that he really got me something out of obligation. Not because he wanted to make me feel special or loved. And that is what hurts.
A year or two after we got married I had the best Valentines Day I've ever had. We had gotten a hotel room in Branson with a whirlpool tub and everything. Well, he drove down there hours before (it's a 45 min drive one way) and filled the room with balloon, candles, and flowers. Drove back to get me just so he could surprise me like that. Where is that man? Does it disappear once you have kids? He's like a totally different person since we've had kids. He's a fantastic father and I know he could be a worse husband. He adores our kids, but I think he is so resentful that he can't have everything he wants in life because we have kids. I didn't realize what a spoiled brat he is until we had kids and he started acting this way.
Once again, I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I really do appreciate the card and the trouble he went through to get me candy I wanted. I just wish we had more of a relationship.
My valentines day has had its ups and downs and I almost didn't want to blog, because I'm going to sound so ungrateful.
But here goes:
He didn't say anything this morning or the first time he called me about something. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. The next time we talked on the phone (I called to tell him our phone and internet were out again) he said he might go to Home Depot after work and that he probably needed to get me something for Valentines Day. (Ya think?
) But he didn't know what to get me. He said he went to the Candy House yesterday (that's what I asked for) but that there was a line all the way out the door and he didn't want to wait in the line. I felt a little better that he even tried. I told him it didn't matter what he did, but I just wanted him to show he cared. If that meant getting me something tomorrow, fine. I was okay with that.
He called me at lunch and said he had just gone to get me something.
Okay, I was impressed.Fast forward to this evening. He gave me a very nice card and sugar free peanut butter fudge from the Candy House. Okay, I'm impressed that he went there. But sugar free?
I asked about that and he said he thought that was what I wanted, that that was the whole reason I wanted fudge from there. Um, no-just because it's good from there. And I don't like peanut butter fudge. Of course, I didn't tell him that. I was just grateful he put in some effort.Well, I have yucky reactions to sugar free substitutes. I had 2 small pieces of fudge and my stomach was upset the whole night.
Fast forward a little later and he said something that really hurt me and was just really insensitive. I called my mom after he went to put Collin to bed and I asked if I was overreacting or being sensitive. She didn't think so. In fact, she thinks he quite selfish and bitter about being the sole breadwinner and not being able to have anything he wants (all true). But she pointed out the selfishness of not wanting to stand in line to get what I wanted and then how he ended up getting me the wrong thing. I'm not sure about that. I do know though, that he really got me something out of obligation. Not because he wanted to make me feel special or loved. And that is what hurts.
A year or two after we got married I had the best Valentines Day I've ever had. We had gotten a hotel room in Branson with a whirlpool tub and everything. Well, he drove down there hours before (it's a 45 min drive one way) and filled the room with balloon, candles, and flowers. Drove back to get me just so he could surprise me like that. Where is that man? Does it disappear once you have kids? He's like a totally different person since we've had kids. He's a fantastic father and I know he could be a worse husband. He adores our kids, but I think he is so resentful that he can't have everything he wants in life because we have kids. I didn't realize what a spoiled brat he is until we had kids and he started acting this way.
Once again, I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I really do appreciate the card and the trouble he went through to get me candy I wanted. I just wish we had more of a relationship.
7 comments so far.
7.
a decade ago
Aww Nikki, I'm sorry. Some men just don't get it that we women LOVE outward displays of love that we can share with others (stories of, not actually sharing the fudge...let's not go that far). He probably thinks, "She knows I love her, right?" I find being really up front and saying, "This is why it means a lot to me when you do this" helps, also being REALLY outwardly appreciative even if it is something you don't love. If down the line you want to bring up that sugar free stuff bugs you, you can do it without making him feel like he screwed up.
Yeah, he was selfish and you have a right to be disappointed, but it might be a good time to figure out how you can make it a more positive experience next year. Reminisce about your V-day your second year of marriage. Maybe surprise HIM with a romantic evening. Demonstrate what it means to show love. He'll learn, but only if you help him. If you say nothing, he'll assume it was fine. Doesn't mean you have to blast him out of the water, but nothing wrong with communication!
by MSTEECHUR
6.
a decade ago
well first lemme just say when I asked for more time in a panicked support ticket, they gave me til July because I mentioned that I didn't want to have to stress about it every month. so ask, anyway, for 6 months and see what happens. I guess as for your hubby ... well, at least you didn't end up with fudge that could induce a binge?
:$ I think it may be time to sit him down again like you did in (after?) Chicago ...
by SFARRANT
5.
a decade ago
Nikki: I am mad at him!
:angry2: I don't think you are being too sensitive. If he thinks it stinks to have kids or that he doesn't get what he wants ask him how he would like paying child support and only seeing his kids every other weekend. My gosh. You take care of A LOT. You are a very caring and sweet person. A wonderful mother! He better wake up or he's going to get a visit from me and Mason and we are going to tag team him! 
:beatup: Seriously, I am sorry that you were so disappointed! 
:cry2:
:bang: 
:kiss:
The question that I really want to ask is what in the heck did you ask for fudge for?????
by MOM22SONZ
4.
a decade ago
He probably hasn't adjusted to the fact that children change your lives and that it's mostly about them for the first several years instead of about you. And it's not easy to do what you want since you always have to think about them. Have you done family counseling? I want the pop-tart recipe!
by HOCKEYFAN7
3.
a decade ago
Look at me here ... obviously I can't stay away from Ck. To answer your question, we have had dates ... just not dinner dates because we've been so broke. We have gone to b-ball games and watched movies together at home. Had a few nights where the kids have spent the night at grandma's and we've been home alone together. But we seriously had not had a dinner out alone together since September 21. Oh except I did remember the weekend we went to a Premier retreat together. I guess that sort of counts. We even ate alone at Applebees once that weekend. But the point is, this dinner out thing has been rare for us lately.
by JEWELRYLADEE
2.
a decade ago
by JEWELRYLADEE
1.
a decade ago
(((((HUG))))) I'm sorry that your husband disappointed you on V day. I think most of us have been there. I know I have. Some years/occasions they do great, others they don't. I hope you find a way to calmly let him know why you were disappointed so that he can do better next time.
:kiss:
by PJENA