NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Saturday, Mar 22 2008 - Shocked and angry
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I just had a fight with my husband a little bit ago and I'm amazed at what he said to me. He said, "Kiss my ass." We have been married almost 9 years and he has never said anything like that to me before. I am so hurt and just shocked that he would treat me like that.
I'll explain a little. My family is here. I was baking in the kitchen for Easter tomorrow. Chris decided to grill outside (as we had planned). The kids wanted to play outside while he grilled. My 12 yr old nephew was with them. So I didn't see a need to be out there as I had many things to do for tomorrow. My husband was so crabby and kept being rude to me.
Later that night when he swore in front of the kids, I told him he owed them an apology. I was tired of him swearing in front of the kids. And what was his problem anyway, why was he so mad? He said he was mad I wasn't outside to watch the kids while he grilled. He was nervous about them getting hurt. I pointed out that my nephew was there to help, to which he laughed and said he was no help at all.
I told him he needed to learn to multi-task as I can't always watch them so he can get something done. That's when he told me to kiss his ass.
I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I think he is just not used to me standing up for myself and being assertive that he didn't know how else to handle it. Plus he'd been drinking.
We had a few more words about getting things done with kids around. I told him, Fine, from now on, I'll be at his beck and call and won't do anything when he needs to do something. I was so mad and hurt. One of the kids called us and needed something so that ended our discussion. We haven't resolved anything.
He tried to talk normal to me later, made a joke about something on tv, but I ignored him. He is putting Collin to bed right now.
I really hate him at moments like this. Do you know what I mean when you actually feel like you hate your spouse? It's a scary feeling. Not fun. But I'm so hurt and mad because I don't want him to hurt me again. He cannot treat me this way. Ugh. I have tears in my eyes again.
I don't understand how you can marry someone, think you know them, and then you're just on this rough and tumble roller coaster ride as you find out all the dark, nasty parts of them that you couldn't have seen during dating. How does anyone survive marriage?
I just feel so down right now. And I didn't know what to do with my feelings.
I was making an apple pie for tomorrow and I listened to some praise music on my ipod. That helped calm me down.
That just reminded me of another thing that is bothering me about him. He has asked me to make "normal food" not this "frou frou" crap I've been trying lately. (I've been trying new recipes and he doesn't like it). I asked him what he wanted me to cook: ham and beans, fried chicken and a few other suggestions. The ham and beans didn't have enough flavor. I spent 3 hours cooking fried chicken (which I haven't made in years because it's too fattening, but I figured it would be okay for a once in a while splurge). He said it was just okay.
Now the ultimate was today. I made Collin's cake for his b-day party. It was gluten free so I had to make it myself. I also made the frosting from scratch and it looked so good. I'll have to post a picture of it. I love the way it turned out. And everyone raved about how good it tasted, how you couldn't tell it wasn't regular cake, how good the frosting was. My friend keeps telling me I should make gluten free cakes for a business in this area.
I asked Chris what he thought of the cake (as he usually doesn't like gluten free cakes) and he said it was just okay as the frosting was weird!
I am done trying to please him with my cooking!!! He can eat whatever I choose to cook, he can starve or he can live on ramen noodles. I am done cooking for him. He is not going to be happy no matter what!!
I'm exhausted after writing all that and feeling all this anger. I hate dealing with anger. I'm not good at it.
But at least I vented here. Thanks for listening if you have read my blog today.
I'll explain a little. My family is here. I was baking in the kitchen for Easter tomorrow. Chris decided to grill outside (as we had planned). The kids wanted to play outside while he grilled. My 12 yr old nephew was with them. So I didn't see a need to be out there as I had many things to do for tomorrow. My husband was so crabby and kept being rude to me.
Later that night when he swore in front of the kids, I told him he owed them an apology. I was tired of him swearing in front of the kids. And what was his problem anyway, why was he so mad? He said he was mad I wasn't outside to watch the kids while he grilled. He was nervous about them getting hurt. I pointed out that my nephew was there to help, to which he laughed and said he was no help at all.
I told him he needed to learn to multi-task as I can't always watch them so he can get something done. That's when he told me to kiss his ass.
I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I think he is just not used to me standing up for myself and being assertive that he didn't know how else to handle it. Plus he'd been drinking.
We had a few more words about getting things done with kids around. I told him, Fine, from now on, I'll be at his beck and call and won't do anything when he needs to do something. I was so mad and hurt. One of the kids called us and needed something so that ended our discussion. We haven't resolved anything.
He tried to talk normal to me later, made a joke about something on tv, but I ignored him. He is putting Collin to bed right now.
I really hate him at moments like this. Do you know what I mean when you actually feel like you hate your spouse? It's a scary feeling. Not fun. But I'm so hurt and mad because I don't want him to hurt me again. He cannot treat me this way. Ugh. I have tears in my eyes again.
I don't understand how you can marry someone, think you know them, and then you're just on this rough and tumble roller coaster ride as you find out all the dark, nasty parts of them that you couldn't have seen during dating. How does anyone survive marriage?
I just feel so down right now. And I didn't know what to do with my feelings.
I was making an apple pie for tomorrow and I listened to some praise music on my ipod. That helped calm me down.
That just reminded me of another thing that is bothering me about him. He has asked me to make "normal food" not this "frou frou" crap I've been trying lately. (I've been trying new recipes and he doesn't like it). I asked him what he wanted me to cook: ham and beans, fried chicken and a few other suggestions. The ham and beans didn't have enough flavor. I spent 3 hours cooking fried chicken (which I haven't made in years because it's too fattening, but I figured it would be okay for a once in a while splurge). He said it was just okay.
Now the ultimate was today. I made Collin's cake for his b-day party. It was gluten free so I had to make it myself. I also made the frosting from scratch and it looked so good. I'll have to post a picture of it. I love the way it turned out. And everyone raved about how good it tasted, how you couldn't tell it wasn't regular cake, how good the frosting was. My friend keeps telling me I should make gluten free cakes for a business in this area.
I asked Chris what he thought of the cake (as he usually doesn't like gluten free cakes) and he said it was just okay as the frosting was weird!
I am done trying to please him with my cooking!!! He can eat whatever I choose to cook, he can starve or he can live on ramen noodles. I am done cooking for him. He is not going to be happy no matter what!!
I'm exhausted after writing all that and feeling all this anger. I hate dealing with anger. I'm not good at it.
But at least I vented here. Thanks for listening if you have read my blog today.
10 comments so far.
10.
a decade ago
oh, and check out the second letter on the hungry girl site today! http://www.hungry-girl.com/askhg/askhgdetails.php?isid=1379
by SFARRANT
9.
a decade ago
okay - he is being a TOTAL
****. "just okay" for a home cooked meal? who does he think he IS?! 
:nono1: I hope by now things are better, Nikki 
:love: And seriously - PM me your address if you want the video of the last two Losts. I will happily mail them your way.
by SFARRANT
8.
a decade ago
I remember many of those type of moments sweetie! Hang in there!
:love:
by MOM22SONZ
7.
a decade ago
I'm so sorry, Nikki! (((HUG))) Your husband was a brat. It seems like he has control and insecurity issues and he's feeling threatened. I seem to remember him behaving like this the last time your family was in town - like he's threatened by you paying attention to someone other than him. It also sounds like your attempts to be healthy threaten him. And your past comments about him making you feel stupid despite your advanced degree show that your intelligence threatens him. Keep standing up for yourself, though. You have to! He'll have to learn to accept it and hopefully appreciate that he's married to a smart, talented, kind, healthy woman.
:kiss:
by PJENA
6.
a decade ago
He's lucky he's not married to me or he'd find my foot there instead of a kiss! Let him cook his own food or starve. Cook for you and the kids and he can eat it or figure out his own food. You don't back down -- stand your ground girl. Otherwise he will just run over you and you will keep being miserable.
by HOCKEYFAN7
5.
a decade ago
Oh Nikki I am sorry! I think, once your family leaves, you should talk to him about the hurtful comment...just let him know how much it hurt you that he talked to you with such disrespect. And you know I just
:heart2: the gluten-free cake idea!!! There is definitely a market booming for it. P.S. I forgot to address it in my blog, the elliptical at the gym is definitely much more stable (less wobbly) -- and the built in personal TV?! Well, it makes it much easier to stay on longer when you're watching a show. My elliptical is in the garage, no TV, just music....TV is definitely the way to go!
by NMA5632
4.
a decade ago
Just saying a quick hi
:hi: to let you know I am OK. I miss you and all my CK family. We are busy round the clock. House is cleaned out now. Lots is happening very fast. I updated my family blog last night (baaafamily.blogspot.com). I was sad to read about Chris. I wish you were having a better Easter weekend. All I can say is that he is lucky he is not married to me
:devil7: I believe he'd be looking for alternate housing about now. Hang in there. Stick up for yourself and your dignity. 
:kiss:
by JEWELRYLADEE
3.
a decade ago
Hi: I stumbled upon your blog and related in a big way. I have been married for almost 25 years (:cross2
:) and it has certainly been a rollercoaster of a ride. Now and then my husband will say something that really hurts my feelings or makes me really mad. I used to get very upset about it but now I realize he has his bad moods and bad days just as I do. But I never let him get away with it. I immediately let him know what he said or did upset me and hurt my feelings and I deserve better. I think you are handling things well and tomorrow your hubby will realize he was rude and apologize. I'm still working on getting mine to actually admit fault but he does back off and tries not to repeat the things that hurt me. I definitely have "hated" him before. Now, after all these years, I just tell him to take his bad mood and get out. Heheh. He still is here though. Marriage is crazy! Happy Easter to you!
by NIGHTOWLPT
2.
a decade ago
Nikki, I am so sorry. I think I understand how you feel; my husband is kind of a Jekyll and Hyde. 50% of the time, he is funny, respectful, easy to talk to, and loving, but the other half of him is volatile, easily frustrated, full of swearing and yelling, and selfish.
:angry1: As far as cooking is concerned, I ask him if there's something he would like, but he just says "I don't know, cant we just have easy stuff like grilled cheese and soup?" I just lost my job, so we are both going to have to get used to fewer restaurant meals. But I digress...I really feel like I identify with you, and I hope and pray that he will get over his negative attitude. I can't tell you how many times I have had tears in my own eyes over his callous treatment of me and/or others. ...I have a lot more to say about this, but I am falling asleep here. Please send me a message anytime. Also please post a photo of your wonderful cake.
:kiss:
by ERINS
1.
a decade ago
Oh Nikki, I'm sorry! I think you handled yourself very well...as I would have had a few choice things to say to his remark. But I'm a sailor that way, so...I'm sure it wouldn't help things out. I hope there is some resolution soon!!
by MAYASMOM