NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Friday, Apr 4 2008 - This mental game!!
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I am feeling down today because I am really struggling with weight and food issues.
I had my counseling appointment yesterday and it was really good. I told her I have been successful in so many areas of my life, but I just can't seem to be successful with food. She said she has heard me say that a few times since we started therapy together. She asked me if I knew why I could manage so many other areas in my life, but not this one. I said, no Why?
She said, "Because you keep telling yourself that!"
She then asked if I knew what to do about it. I said, "Uh, stop telling myself that?"
She said, "Yes, and replace it with another message."
So when those "I can't" thoughts come into my head, I am to say to myself, "I can do this, I can manage, I can make good choices."
When the "I can't" is overwhelming, I need to distract myself in a big way and go busy myself with something else.
She is of the philosophy that our thoughts create our feelings, which in turn determine our behavior. So if we want to change our feelings and behavior, we have to start with our thoughts. I tend to agree with this approach (cognitive-behavioral).
So I worked on this today. I noticed I have these "I can't" thoughts A LOT. I made my food plan and when I was tempted to eat off the plan, I would repeat the phrases above. I did feel empowered.
I fell this afternoon when I ate a horrible chewable vitamin that I bought for my son and tried it before I gave it to him (thank goodness--he would have never taken a vitamin again if he'd eaten this!).
I grabbed a cupcake that was on the counter. 
Yeah, I know!
Then I had another. With frosting.
Okay, fine. Let's get back on track, right?
Did okay until after dinner. Chips on the stupid counter. Chris and I had a fight. I was mad. It was probably only one serving of chips--but Ugh!!
Lesson 1: Get stuff off my counter!! (those things are all gone now, so no need to worry.) I'm really big on out of sight, out of mind. If it's not if my face, I'm usually okay. I rarely go looking for junk.
Lesson 2: Don't let frustration with hubby cause me to binge. HE IS NOT WORTH IT! And did it make me feel better? No, worse. So it didn't help and he's certainly not suffering because of it.
This is such a struggle. WHY?! Why is this so hard? Is it so hard or am I just making it hard? What is wrong with me?!
Okay, Nikki, enough whining.
Baby steps. I had 2 slips ups today. That was better than other days this week. Slow, small changes. You can do this. There were several times today that I resisted temptation so
for that.
I'm done eating for today. I'm making a plan for tomorrow. I CAN DO THIS!
If I yell at myself, will it stick with me more?
But you guys who read my blog have probably also noticed how my lack of confidence in myself in this area is a repeated theme in my struggles.
This has got to stop. I am not going to go on like this. I have overcome many challenges in my life. Many harder than resisting food. I can overcome this too.
I think that's the end of my self-pep talk.
And I just have to tell you guys about this too. What has happened to non-assertive, spineless Nikki? I tell you, I have gotten so much more bold with my husband lately.
We were driving to pick up our other car that had recently been in the shop when a car behind us beeped for us to go, when there was still traffic coming from both directions.
My angry husband started getting all pissed off and complaining about it. He was going on and on. I called him on it and calmly told him to chill out, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, what if they bumped the horn by accident? I've done that. Calm down in front of the kids. I mentioned something about road rage. Well, he was quite irritated with me. Was short with me and spoke to me in that degrading way he can have.
We stopped to get gas in both cars so while we were out pumping gas (the kids were in the car) I asked him what his problem was, why he was mad and me and treating me this way. He said I irritated him by calling him on the road rage thing. He said I shouldn't say anything in that moment, I need to wait until later.
Oh, really? Later when? We never have time to talk later. I told him he needs to be a better example to the kids. There is no reason to get so upset about those things. I told him to grow up, be an adult, and control his temper!!
He got pissed, of course, said he wasn't going to discuss this in the gas station parking lot and got in his car.
I am amazed at myself. What is coming over me that I am getting so assertive and mouthy with my husband? I think it's good, but he is not used to it. I worry that he's going to think I'm a
(is that the right one? I've never used it before. 
) I called my sister in the car, quickly told her what happened and asked her if I handled it okay. She said, absolutely. I need to call him on that behavior in that moment so it can be stopped, not wait until later.
He's sleeping now, so I have no idea what he thinks. Usually after something like this, we act like nothing has happened.
Good for me for standing up for myself, I just want to make sure I'm appropriate (I don't know if that's the right word) when I do it.
Okay, that's all for now. I may go scrapbook and watch Lost (thank you, Sarah) if I'm not too tired.
I had my counseling appointment yesterday and it was really good. I told her I have been successful in so many areas of my life, but I just can't seem to be successful with food. She said she has heard me say that a few times since we started therapy together. She asked me if I knew why I could manage so many other areas in my life, but not this one. I said, no Why?
She said, "Because you keep telling yourself that!"
She then asked if I knew what to do about it. I said, "Uh, stop telling myself that?"
She said, "Yes, and replace it with another message."
So when those "I can't" thoughts come into my head, I am to say to myself, "I can do this, I can manage, I can make good choices."
When the "I can't" is overwhelming, I need to distract myself in a big way and go busy myself with something else.
She is of the philosophy that our thoughts create our feelings, which in turn determine our behavior. So if we want to change our feelings and behavior, we have to start with our thoughts. I tend to agree with this approach (cognitive-behavioral).
So I worked on this today. I noticed I have these "I can't" thoughts A LOT. I made my food plan and when I was tempted to eat off the plan, I would repeat the phrases above. I did feel empowered.
I fell this afternoon when I ate a horrible chewable vitamin that I bought for my son and tried it before I gave it to him (thank goodness--he would have never taken a vitamin again if he'd eaten this!).
I grabbed a cupcake that was on the counter.
Yeah, I know! Then I had another. With frosting.
Okay, fine. Let's get back on track, right?
Did okay until after dinner. Chips on the stupid counter. Chris and I had a fight. I was mad. It was probably only one serving of chips--but Ugh!!
Lesson 1: Get stuff off my counter!! (those things are all gone now, so no need to worry.) I'm really big on out of sight, out of mind. If it's not if my face, I'm usually okay. I rarely go looking for junk.
Lesson 2: Don't let frustration with hubby cause me to binge. HE IS NOT WORTH IT! And did it make me feel better? No, worse. So it didn't help and he's certainly not suffering because of it.
This is such a struggle. WHY?! Why is this so hard? Is it so hard or am I just making it hard? What is wrong with me?!
Okay, Nikki, enough whining.
Baby steps. I had 2 slips ups today. That was better than other days this week. Slow, small changes. You can do this. There were several times today that I resisted temptation so
for that. I'm done eating for today. I'm making a plan for tomorrow. I CAN DO THIS!
If I yell at myself, will it stick with me more?
But you guys who read my blog have probably also noticed how my lack of confidence in myself in this area is a repeated theme in my struggles.
This has got to stop. I am not going to go on like this. I have overcome many challenges in my life. Many harder than resisting food. I can overcome this too.
I think that's the end of my self-pep talk.
And I just have to tell you guys about this too. What has happened to non-assertive, spineless Nikki? I tell you, I have gotten so much more bold with my husband lately.
We were driving to pick up our other car that had recently been in the shop when a car behind us beeped for us to go, when there was still traffic coming from both directions.
My angry husband started getting all pissed off and complaining about it. He was going on and on. I called him on it and calmly told him to chill out, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, what if they bumped the horn by accident? I've done that. Calm down in front of the kids. I mentioned something about road rage. Well, he was quite irritated with me. Was short with me and spoke to me in that degrading way he can have.
We stopped to get gas in both cars so while we were out pumping gas (the kids were in the car) I asked him what his problem was, why he was mad and me and treating me this way. He said I irritated him by calling him on the road rage thing. He said I shouldn't say anything in that moment, I need to wait until later.
Oh, really? Later when? We never have time to talk later. I told him he needs to be a better example to the kids. There is no reason to get so upset about those things. I told him to grow up, be an adult, and control his temper!!
He got pissed, of course, said he wasn't going to discuss this in the gas station parking lot and got in his car.
I am amazed at myself. What is coming over me that I am getting so assertive and mouthy with my husband? I think it's good, but he is not used to it. I worry that he's going to think I'm a
(is that the right one? I've never used it before. ) I called my sister in the car, quickly told her what happened and asked her if I handled it okay. She said, absolutely. I need to call him on that behavior in that moment so it can be stopped, not wait until later. He's sleeping now, so I have no idea what he thinks. Usually after something like this, we act like nothing has happened.
Good for me for standing up for myself, I just want to make sure I'm appropriate (I don't know if that's the right word) when I do it.
Okay, that's all for now. I may go scrapbook and watch Lost (thank you, Sarah) if I'm not too tired.
6 comments so far.
6.
a decade ago
NOTHING is wrong with you and yelling at yourself won't help! You need to be kind and forgiving to yourself. You are too hard on yourself as a wife and mother and person. You are a WONDERFUL wife and mother and person and you can beat this. I know you can! Good for you sticking up for yourself to your husband!
:y: As for your post about the accupuncture - I don't know what I'd do. I didn't pursue cranial sacral therapy for my son because my husband was SO against it. I would have done it anyway, though, if we didn't have good luck with Nexium right after that appointment. It's worth it to try things (as long as they aren't harmful) that may not seem rational. You have to make sure you're not being taken advantage of, though, and it's too hard to tell that online. Good luck!
by PJENA
5.
a decade ago
Good for you Nikki! I call my husband on it when he acts like that on the highway too, he gets stupid angry when people do dumb stuff. I hate that.
:n: Life is too short to get that mad over dumb stuff like that!
by CYNTHIALS
4.
a decade ago
I like the replacing the negative with the positive statements because YOU are worth it. And, it IS good that you're standing up to your husband. You shouldn't be treated that way -- and I agree with Ashli you can't eat it if its not there, right?!
by NMA5632
3.
a decade ago
1. I am so stinking proud of you for standing up to Crabby Pants. He will accept you drawing the line eventually when he sees that you are not backing down. Good for you for not being a doormat!
:clap: 2. Get the junk out of the house. Get the junk out of the house. Get the junk out of the house.
=D 3. We are moving into our duplex today
:rock1:
by JEWELRYLADEE
2.
a decade ago
This is an awesome blog entry. There are so many good things in here. # 1: I love your catching yourself in the "I can't" state and then consciously, purposely flipping it to "I can." I think the more you do this - the better you'll feel about yourself and your eating. You're also learning from minor mishaps - you are remembering to keep things out of sight out of mind. LOVE IT! And you're noticing what could act as a trigger (frustration with the husband). And about how you handled the deal with your husband, I think you did everything right. GREAT JOB at standing up for yourself. I'm really proud of you and I think you're about to turn the corner to a week of feeling good.
by LAURAGLAURA
1.
a decade ago
Nikki, you are doing all right with the food; you are not doing as badly as you think!
:heart2: I think that your Lesson 1 and Lesson2 are great. With both of those, I would think that one thing to do would be to make sure you always have your healthier foods in easy reach. Put something you do want to eat on the counter! (Whatever it may be, nuts, fruit, whole wheat bread, etc etc.) As far as your H, well...my H has definitely become more mild since I've known him. When he gets stressed out (often), his reaction to a given issue is often an over-reaction, as in road rage. "Hey, you sob, get your hand off of your **** and onto the steering wheel! %%$# ^%$^&!! " 
:scream2:
:scream2:
:scream2:Sound familiar? In the past few years, though, little tantrums like that are less and less often, and they are never directed towards me. He knows I will tell him frankly if something hurts my feelings. I do feel that my influence on him has been a calming one. 
:smile1: Conversely, being with him has given me more practice at being up front and direct. Oops, sorry for the long comment!
:blush4: (I could go on about this...) I hope you have a great weekend.
:heart2:
by ERINS