I finished my first 5K today!!! It was absolutely crazy. I did not plan on doing one until next week. But last Sunday our church announced they were doing one and encouraged people to come and even just walk. And people with strollers would atomatically get a medal.
Well, my husband is always complaining about needing time to do stuff. So I thought I'd sign up and just walk it with my kids in the stroller. That would give him time to get stuff done. I even had a friend who has a very young baby who was going to walk it with me.
Well, when the weather turned so cold, I knew we wouldn't be able to walk with the kids. So I told/asked my husband if I could leave the kids with him and run the race. He agreed.
I was nervous as I really struggled running three miles this week. But mostly I was nervous about the weather. It was so cold. In the low 30's and the wind was awful. So I layered up and hoped I didn't layer too much or not enough.
My only goal was to run the whole thing and not walk at all. The last time I did a 5k was last May when I had Carter in the stroller and I walked one minute and ran one minute. I was just getting started into running.
In the back of my mind I wanted to finished in 35 minutes. But my main goal was just to keep running and finish.

Well, the weather was cold, there were some good hills (I train on a flat track), and then it started freezing rain!! I mean, ice is pelting me in the face and the last mile was straight into the very strong wind. I was layered enough everywhere except my face. My face was so frozen.
But I kept going!

My finish time: 34:46!
Wow, I am so proud of myself. Tough conditions and all, and I did it.
The people I talked to afterwards thought the route was longer than 3.1 miles. And everyone talked about how they were slower because of those crazy conditions.
(I don't know how Sarah runs in such awful weather--so much worse than this! Sarah, you rock. )
I was so wiped out after this and I had a hard time getting warm.

Now the complaints
Then I got home to a crabby husband. I stayed for awards so took longer than I should have. I really shouldn't have stayed for awards. I knew there was no way I was going to win anything with my time. But I always like to see if I won a door prize and I never do.
Anyway, He Never Even Asked Me About The Race! I was so excited and proud of myself and he didn't even ask me about it. It hurts just writing about this.
It's like he has no interest in my or my life at all. I really wonder if he cares about me at all at moments like this. (I have tears in my eyes.)
So a few hours later, I decided to say something. I said, "I would really like it if you would ask me about my race and things like that. It would show me that you care about me by taking an interest in my life. Otherwise I'm just here to take care of your kids and listen to you talk. I have been feeling like you don't care about me and I'm shutting down emotionally."
You know what he said to me? NOTHING! He just nodded his head and stared at me. That's it. Whatever.

Fast forward a couple of hours. (Yes, there's more.)
My friend was having a scrapbook party (a Creative Memories show) tonight. I had mentioned it to him a few times this week and asked him about it. I never got an answer.
When I was talking to my sister last night and telling her about this, she encouraged me to go. Chris had gone drinking with his friends two nights this week. One of which was when I was home with a very cranky sick baby. She said if he could leave me at home with the kids, then I should be able to get a break and do the same.

So I decided to be assertive about this. I told him this morning and this afternoon that I was going. We got into a big fight about it over the phone. He said there were many things he'd like to do too but doesn't get to. He said I have more flexibility and free time than he does. I shouldn't get to do 2 things in one day.
I reminded him about his going out to drink with friends twice this week. He had a reason why that was business related (he is trying to set up a side business with these people). Okay, but it didn't take 4 hours to talk business!
I told him I don't ask him for much. I ask for one night a week to go running and one night a month to scrapbook. I wasn't planning on 2 things in one day, it just worked out that way.
He was so mad that I was still going anyway.

But if I stayed home, what would we have done? Nothing would have been accomplished, just hanging out with the kids and watching tv.
So I went anyway even though he was mad at me. Oh, that was so hard for me. I hate when he is mad at me. I want to fix it and make it all better. But I felt like I had to stand my ground. I just didn't think there was any reason I shouldn't go.

When I got home at a little before 10, Collin was still up. They were watching a movie and Chris was quite buzzed. Not totally drunk like I've seen him. But almost. And he was bitter mad. Not nice to me at all. He had called me twice while I was out to ask me some questions.
But he was so cold to me. I asked if he wanted me to put Collin to bed (it's my night.) He said no in such a cold tone.
I really hate this. Why does marriage have to be so painful sometimes? Or did I just marry a jerk?
I'm standing up for myself more and more and I think he's having a real hard time with this. Sometimes I feel like he hates me. I told him I think he resents me for some reason and that he needs to figure out why that is.
Okay, I'm going to go cry some more, NOT eat over this, and then go to bed. Thanks for listening.