NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, Apr 15 2008 - overwhelmed
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I have so much to write about, I don't even know where to begin.
BTW, I really appreciated all the congrats about the 5k and the support about the situation with hubby. Some of your comments made me laugh because they were so vehement. But it made me feel validated and that's important.
Sunday morning Chris acted like everything was fine. He didn't seem mad anymore at all about me going out the night before.
Okay.
Both boys were sick. In fact, Collin had a pretty high fever so we were home all day (no church). My husband was talking to me alot about the side business he wants to start up and stuff. At one point I asked him a question and his response was so incredibly rude that I went to the kitchen and just cried while I did dishes.
I did a lot of thinking as I was crying about how there really is no evidence that he loves me. He takes no interest in my life and my activities. He is no longer affectionate. He does not try to spend time with me. When I try to schedule time for us together, "something" always comes up.
He heard me crying (I was trying to be quiet) and came in to apologize to me. I told him what I was thinking--about how I really don't think he loves me. There is no evidence. And I think he has much bitterness against me. I gave the above evidence. He said he really does love me and I don't remember what else as Carter interupted us. Chris went into the bedroom.
I was pissed now. He was going to just leave things like that. I told him I shouldn't have to come begging for some scrap of hope from him. Didn't he have anything else to say. He said he didn't want to talk in front of the kids (Collin was sleeping and Carter was playing in the living room).
I am tired of that since there never is a good time to talk. I told him how frustrated and hurt I am and that there are 4 reasons I am staying in this marriage and that I have to constantly remind myself of those 4 things because why would I want to live with someone who doesn't love me.
I'll have to finish later.
BTW, I really appreciated all the congrats about the 5k and the support about the situation with hubby. Some of your comments made me laugh because they were so vehement. But it made me feel validated and that's important.
Sunday morning Chris acted like everything was fine. He didn't seem mad anymore at all about me going out the night before.
Okay.Both boys were sick. In fact, Collin had a pretty high fever so we were home all day (no church). My husband was talking to me alot about the side business he wants to start up and stuff. At one point I asked him a question and his response was so incredibly rude that I went to the kitchen and just cried while I did dishes.
I did a lot of thinking as I was crying about how there really is no evidence that he loves me. He takes no interest in my life and my activities. He is no longer affectionate. He does not try to spend time with me. When I try to schedule time for us together, "something" always comes up.
He heard me crying (I was trying to be quiet) and came in to apologize to me. I told him what I was thinking--about how I really don't think he loves me. There is no evidence. And I think he has much bitterness against me. I gave the above evidence. He said he really does love me and I don't remember what else as Carter interupted us. Chris went into the bedroom.
I was pissed now. He was going to just leave things like that. I told him I shouldn't have to come begging for some scrap of hope from him. Didn't he have anything else to say. He said he didn't want to talk in front of the kids (Collin was sleeping and Carter was playing in the living room).
I am tired of that since there never is a good time to talk. I told him how frustrated and hurt I am and that there are 4 reasons I am staying in this marriage and that I have to constantly remind myself of those 4 things because why would I want to live with someone who doesn't love me.
I'll have to finish later.
8 comments so far.
8.
a decade ago
I'm so sorry. I know it's difficult for you. But I hope you know that it's him and not you. There is nothing wrong with you.
by HOCKEYFAN7
7.
a decade ago
well WE
:love: you Nikki. 
:kiss: I'm guessing he does, too, but he's in a guy space right now and doesn't know how to show his love. Before you guys were married, how did he show his affection?
by SFARRANT
6.
a decade ago
(((HUG))) I'm a big believer in marriage. In sticking it out. In it's hard work and you don't give up. But, I'm also a big believer in women standing up for themselves. Demanding to be treated the way they deserve to be treated. And not settling for less than they deserve. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I consider myself extremely lucky to have had such a good example of how to make a bad situation better. My parents are both wonderful people. They just weren't good together. They, and my step-parents, worked together to raise us and both my brother and I feel very fortunate to have had so many people who cared about us. We were also fortunate enough to witness two wonderful, caring, committed relationships. That has to be better for kids than witnessing one bad relationship. Both of those couples also had hard times that they worked through with counseling. Only you can decide what to do. I believe that rocky relationships can be fixed if both partners are committed and willing to work at it. I also believe that sometimes, if it can't be fixed, it's not "giving up" to walk away. I sincerely hope that you and Chris find a way to work through this, but either way, remember that you are loved and you are worthwhile.
:kiss:
by PJENA
5.
a decade ago
I'm sorry doll.
:kiss:
by CYNTHIALS
4.
a decade ago
(((Nikki))))) I am glad that you are pushing him to discuss these things. I remember you said you had a counselor, but do you have a counselor you could see together? Maybe you've tried this before....but in the very least it would force you to take the time to be together and get a chance to talk/listen. In any case, you definitely do deserve to have your feelings heard. Keep pushing!
by NMA5632
3.
a decade ago
Nikki: we
:love: you and you are worthwhile and darling. Don't let him take your self esteem and respect. 
:kiss: Hang in there. We are here for you. Call me if you want to. I should be around for the most part today! 
:kiss:
by MOM22SONZ
2.
a decade ago
((hugs, Nikki))) I want to hear more so I will definitely check for your update. In the mean time, you seem to be thinking really clearly and in a pretty organized way. I hope that you find/found time to finish the conversation with Chris. you are amazing, Nikki and have such a way of treating others... you really deserve the same sort of treatment back.
by LAURAGLAURA
1.
a decade ago
by ITSJOAN