NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Monday, Apr 28 2008 - Help!
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
I am in the process of switching phone and internet providers. I'm switching to ATT and they showed up today when I wasn't home when I was told that they would not come until May 5th. 
They couldn't finish the work so my phone is really screwed up. My internet is acting weird. I'm still with cable for that at the moment. But my modem hasn't even come from ATT yet. Very frustrating.
All that to say, if I miss a few days here, I probably have lost internet access. (And will be going insane without you all!)
Anyway, today as my first day of my four week plan was a total disaster.
I did okay until my husband asked us to meet him for lunch at Braum's. We always get icecream after lunch there. So I got a scoop of mint chocolate chip and I finished Collin's vanilla scoop. Later had a few cookies. Pizza for dinner.
It was a bad day emotionally. I was very stressed out. PMS is hitting me harder than it usually does. I was to the point that if I heard "MOMMY" one more time, I was going to throw myself through a window. I called my sister to vent and calmed down.
I had a massage scheduled for tonight at 7:00. My husband knew this, agreed to watch the kids and all. And then gets home at 6:52!!!
I could have killed him! Can we say passive-aggressive?!
He was picking up pool chemicals for a side job he's doing on Wed. But I'd bet money he had a few beers with the person he was getting them from.
I went to my appt and it was so wonderful. Until I got home. My husband was in a very bad mood. I was gone an hour and a half and he could barely handle the kids! They wore him out in that short period of time. He said they wouldn't eat dinner, they were fighting and they were really wound up. Yeah, welcome to my world.
He only had 2 beers left in the fridge and drank those. Poor baby didn't have enough liquor to calm himself down from the stress of an hour and a half.
I asked him how things were while I was gone, he wouldn't even tell me! He said it didn't matter anymore and I had to coax out of him how the kids behaved. It was so ridicuous.
This is getting really bad. He's getting worse and worse. My sister thinks he's spiraling towards bottom. He's having some kind of personal crisis and is trying to run from it with alcohol. And it's not working.
I'm so discouraged that I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I just want to be done with him. But I don't want to be a single mom. I don't want to do that to my boys. It's very heartbreaking.
Oh, I didn't mean to go on that long about that. I guess I was venting.
I meant to talk about food more. I am going to start fresh again tomorrow. I don't feel that defeated, I-can't-do-this attitude right now. Surprisingly. I feel more confident than I have in a while that I can do this. I am just going to keep trying.
Thanks for all your support. It means so much to me.
They couldn't finish the work so my phone is really screwed up. My internet is acting weird. I'm still with cable for that at the moment. But my modem hasn't even come from ATT yet. Very frustrating.All that to say, if I miss a few days here, I probably have lost internet access. (And will be going insane without you all!)
Anyway, today as my first day of my four week plan was a total disaster.
I did okay until my husband asked us to meet him for lunch at Braum's. We always get icecream after lunch there. So I got a scoop of mint chocolate chip and I finished Collin's vanilla scoop. Later had a few cookies. Pizza for dinner.It was a bad day emotionally. I was very stressed out. PMS is hitting me harder than it usually does. I was to the point that if I heard "MOMMY" one more time, I was going to throw myself through a window. I called my sister to vent and calmed down.
I had a massage scheduled for tonight at 7:00. My husband knew this, agreed to watch the kids and all. And then gets home at 6:52!!!
I could have killed him! Can we say passive-aggressive?!He was picking up pool chemicals for a side job he's doing on Wed. But I'd bet money he had a few beers with the person he was getting them from.
I went to my appt and it was so wonderful. Until I got home. My husband was in a very bad mood. I was gone an hour and a half and he could barely handle the kids! They wore him out in that short period of time. He said they wouldn't eat dinner, they were fighting and they were really wound up. Yeah, welcome to my world.
He only had 2 beers left in the fridge and drank those. Poor baby didn't have enough liquor to calm himself down from the stress of an hour and a half.
I asked him how things were while I was gone, he wouldn't even tell me! He said it didn't matter anymore and I had to coax out of him how the kids behaved. It was so ridicuous.
This is getting really bad. He's getting worse and worse. My sister thinks he's spiraling towards bottom. He's having some kind of personal crisis and is trying to run from it with alcohol. And it's not working.
I'm so discouraged that I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I just want to be done with him. But I don't want to be a single mom. I don't want to do that to my boys. It's very heartbreaking.
Oh, I didn't mean to go on that long about that. I guess I was venting.
I meant to talk about food more. I am going to start fresh again tomorrow. I don't feel that defeated, I-can't-do-this attitude right now. Surprisingly. I feel more confident than I have in a while that I can do this. I am just going to keep trying.
Thanks for all your support. It means so much to me.
8 comments so far.
8.
a decade ago
Ugh - It drives me nuts when dads can't handle "babysitting" their own kids. Most dads get off so easy because we moms take on everything ourselves out of guilt. They should be HAPPY to help out when asked. In fact, they shouldn't need to be asked! Get back on your healthy food plan. Plan out your kids' meals with healthy foods and eat with them. Don't let yourself think about it. Just follow the plan. You can do it! You are right to get the junk out of the house. Our kids need to learn to eat healthy and they need to learn that junk is an occasional treat, not an everyday staple. Do it for them if you can't do it for you.
:kiss:
by PJENA
7.
a decade ago
I'm sorry Nikki
:kiss:
by CYNTHIALS
6.
a decade ago
My husband can't handle Daniel for more than an hour without saying he's totally exhausted. And he wanted to be the one to stay home with him! Yeah right.
by HOCKEYFAN7
5.
a decade ago
Nikki: You didn't fail yesterday. You may not have had the best day but you tried and that is NEVER a failure. Forgive yourself and move on. Talk to you as though you would talk to one of the boys. Give yourself pats on the back and love and pep yourself up to do better the next time. I am sorry about the hubby. You know I feel your pain and encourage you to do what you can and what you feel you need to.
:kiss: 
:love:
by MOM22SONZ
4.
a decade ago
I'm sorry Nikki -- it's a hard situation to be in. I was in love with an alcoholic and understand the passive-aggressiveness -- it's easy to say "oh, but he's not a MEAN drunk" and tell yourself that it's really ok...but it's not. And it's hard...because despite his illness you love him and love your kids and don't want to hurt them. I hope that he can get some help and if he won't, then there is always the support group for YOU --- perhaps hearing others stories will help you? And..I'll tell you the same thing I tell others --being a single mom is rough, but there are a LOT of burdens and struggles that I don't have to deal with because of a lack of spouse -- I'm in a different situation, though..so I'm not sure that it compares well enough. Ok...done rambling!
by MAYASMOM
3.
a decade ago
Hugs Nikki! It definitely IS passive-aggression bordering on outright aggression -- between coming home late (almost making you late for your appt) and then telling you how miserable his night is --- so you probably would think twice before doing it again, right? Mission accomplished. I think Laura's comment is valid -- if you haven't tried couples counseling, you may want to consider it -- and for lack of a better way to say this, your kids may be better off in the long run if you make some changes - I'm certainly not suggesting that you leave him, I know far too little about the situation to suggest that, but, in hindsight, my parents did me (or themselves) -- and not necessarily in that order, no good by staying together for our sake.....you know?
by NMA5632
2.
a decade ago
Sounds like you didn't do horrendous food wise - in fact, it sounds like you ate rather normally. I'm glad you don't feel defeated, b/c you shouldn't just b/c of a traditional scoop of ice cream and a couple of cookies - things could have gotten way worse. In terms of things b/w you and your husband, I do not think this is an emotionally healthy situation for you to be in. I don't know your husband personally, and I haven't been following the situation for THAT long, but have you considered going to couples counseling? I think you and he need to decide where you want your relationship to go - b/c keeping it the same as it is now is not good for either you or him. How does he feel towards the marriage? Do you know? Do BOTH of you want to do what it takes (including discovering if it is possible to do the following) to return the relationship to where I assume it was when you didn't have troubles? I'm kind of rambling here, but I just feel like some action needs to be taken - and maybe there should be a third party (a counselor or someone) involved to help make conversations about this b/w you and him easier.... just some thoughts (take them or leave them). I think so highly of you and just want you to be happy.
by LAURAGLAURA
1.
a decade ago
Hi! I didn't like Yoga Booty Ballet at all but that's just me. It is a weird combination of yoga, dance, and exercise that seems silly to me. The yoga part is more just affirmations not exercise. The rest just bored me. However, I got the Latin and Slow and Easy set which is not the first set so maybe the first one is better. I think there is a clip of it on www.collagevideo.com. There's better out there!
by NIGHTOWLPT