NIKKI8's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Apr 30 2008 - crazy, crazy
View NIKKI8's food & exercise for this day
It is one o'clock in the morning and I'm wide awake. I think due to the fact that I did the elliptical for 30 mins at about 11 tonight. It really woke me up. Then I did a 10 min yoga video. Here I am still awake.
Well, I plan to make this a quick update, but sometimes I get started and ramble.
YOu know how it is.
I subbed in the 3yr old room next door to Collin's at the preschool today. The director thought it would be good for me to get some more experience/training and one of the teachers in that room was going out of town this week. Well, this was the room I observed briefly last week and saw a huge difference from Collin's teachers.
Boy, was I right. It was so crazy in that classroom. I was completely stressed! The structure was different and the teaching style was so different. The kids were sometimes outright defiant in that I would tell them to stop doing something, they would look at me and keep doing it anyway! That happened several times.
Seriously just nuts.
The teacher kept telling me it usually isn't this bad, but I have my doubts that it's much better.
The thing is, my style of discipline and talking to kids is similar to hers.
That worries me because that is not the kind of teacher I want to be. I know how I would structure things differently so that some behavior problems would be prevented. But I would really like to also learn to speak gently, but firmly (if both can be done at the same time and Collin's teachers do).
Anyway, so that was worrying me.
Chris had his first pool job tonight. I knew he wouldn't get home until after dark. So I took the kids to the mall to run some errands. Got me a new romance novel and some bath and lotion stuff from Bath and Body Works.
But the bad thing is I was supposed to run tonight with my friend. Chris knew this. I told him we were running at 9:00.
I called him at 8:40 to see if he would get home in time or if I would need to cancel with my friend. No answer, so I just cancelled.
I was putting Carter to bed when he called back so he left a message.
HE WAS AT THE LOCAL BAR!! He said he was eating dinner and having a drink.
Um, I had dinner ready at home for him. That bar is close by. This was completely unneccesary.
So I missed my run. He didn't get to spend time with the kids. Collin was crying when we went upstairs for bed because he wanted to wait up for daddy and I wouldn't let him.
Chris came home while we were reading books, so he at least got to finish putting him to bed.
But, oh my gosh, this is getting bad. And ridiculous!!
I called my mom to ask for advice on how I should handle tonight. You know what? I'm going to let it go. Don't scream at the computer. Just listen. I'm going to track how often this happens and then approach him later about it. He just sees me as the enemy so much right now, I don't think he will listen to me at all.
I get to be a stay at home mom right now. I love my life (except for my marriage and my food struggles). Okay the marriage is a big thing. But I love being home with my kids. I have great support from friends and family. With him working more, he will be here less. That's less bs I have to deal with.
He is usually really good with the kids. That is worth so much to me.
Now, if things change, he gets mean or abusive or falling down drunk, I will need to reevaluate. But right now I"m going to keep working with what I have.
He will not go to counseling. I've tried that route before.
But I am going to keep praying for him, for our marriage, for our children. But for the most part, I'm going to let go of his stupid behavior. I can't change it. I'm not going to stress about it. And at this point, I'm not going to leave him.
So that's where I stand.
Boy, I did write more than I intended. It's now 1:20. I'm having a Pampered Chef party tomorrow night and I have tons to do to get my house ready for it. I'd better get to bed.
Well, I plan to make this a quick update, but sometimes I get started and ramble.
YOu know how it is.I subbed in the 3yr old room next door to Collin's at the preschool today. The director thought it would be good for me to get some more experience/training and one of the teachers in that room was going out of town this week. Well, this was the room I observed briefly last week and saw a huge difference from Collin's teachers.
Boy, was I right. It was so crazy in that classroom. I was completely stressed! The structure was different and the teaching style was so different. The kids were sometimes outright defiant in that I would tell them to stop doing something, they would look at me and keep doing it anyway! That happened several times.
Seriously just nuts.The teacher kept telling me it usually isn't this bad, but I have my doubts that it's much better.
The thing is, my style of discipline and talking to kids is similar to hers.
That worries me because that is not the kind of teacher I want to be. I know how I would structure things differently so that some behavior problems would be prevented. But I would really like to also learn to speak gently, but firmly (if both can be done at the same time and Collin's teachers do). Anyway, so that was worrying me.
Chris had his first pool job tonight. I knew he wouldn't get home until after dark. So I took the kids to the mall to run some errands. Got me a new romance novel and some bath and lotion stuff from Bath and Body Works.
But the bad thing is I was supposed to run tonight with my friend. Chris knew this. I told him we were running at 9:00.
I called him at 8:40 to see if he would get home in time or if I would need to cancel with my friend. No answer, so I just cancelled.
I was putting Carter to bed when he called back so he left a message.
HE WAS AT THE LOCAL BAR!! He said he was eating dinner and having a drink.
Um, I had dinner ready at home for him. That bar is close by. This was completely unneccesary.
So I missed my run. He didn't get to spend time with the kids. Collin was crying when we went upstairs for bed because he wanted to wait up for daddy and I wouldn't let him.
Chris came home while we were reading books, so he at least got to finish putting him to bed.
But, oh my gosh, this is getting bad. And ridiculous!!
I called my mom to ask for advice on how I should handle tonight. You know what? I'm going to let it go. Don't scream at the computer. Just listen. I'm going to track how often this happens and then approach him later about it. He just sees me as the enemy so much right now, I don't think he will listen to me at all.
I get to be a stay at home mom right now. I love my life (except for my marriage and my food struggles). Okay the marriage is a big thing. But I love being home with my kids. I have great support from friends and family. With him working more, he will be here less. That's less bs I have to deal with.
He is usually really good with the kids. That is worth so much to me.
Now, if things change, he gets mean or abusive or falling down drunk, I will need to reevaluate. But right now I"m going to keep working with what I have.
He will not go to counseling. I've tried that route before.
But I am going to keep praying for him, for our marriage, for our children. But for the most part, I'm going to let go of his stupid behavior. I can't change it. I'm not going to stress about it. And at this point, I'm not going to leave him.
So that's where I stand.
Boy, I did write more than I intended. It's now 1:20. I'm having a Pampered Chef party tomorrow night and I have tons to do to get my house ready for it. I'd better get to bed.
5 comments so far.
5.
a decade ago
I also agree with Nadine. My opinion is that you are better off bringing up the situations when they happen, not a while later. I would feel like it was keeping score and I might not even remember something weeks later. You have to do what you feel is best for you and your family though.
by HOCKEYFAN7
4.
a decade ago
Ooh! I'd be mad about the dinner/drink at the bar. He sure seems to be doing his best to derail your plans. That's just not fair. I agree with Nadine. But, you are the one who has to live your life, so you get to make the decision. We're just here to support you.
:kiss:
by PJENA
3.
a decade ago
I am going to throw this out there and it may be completely off base (and out of line) and you don't have to answer me, I just want to say it. Is it possible your husband has something on his mind that he doesn't want to tell you or is scared to tell you? Everything you've been talking about lately with him screams "avoidance" to me. Again, I may be totally wrong and I don't expect you to answer me, just want to say it and see if it gets some thoughts going in your head.
:kiss: I am sorry you missed your run.
by CYNTHIALS
2.
a decade ago
I got all excited for you reading about the romance novel & the bath...! I think speaking gently & firmly to children is so much easier when they are not our own. (I know that sounds horrible) but disciplining our own children gets all caught up in expectations and frustration and with other peoples kids, it just doesn't have the same feeling (all opinion of course) -- I am all for accepting what you can't change and all that, but I think you need to address the inexcusable issues as they happen rather than keep tally and hit him with something like "you made me miss my run 10 times last month" -- I know that if someone was 'keeping score' like that it on me it would be more hurtful than nagging me along the way....my words sound harsh even to me but I hope you know what I mean...and maybe you didn't mean to that extreme when you said you were going to 'keep track'.....having said that, I think each time he doesn't follow through (especially at the cost of something that you had planned or counted on) -- you need to lay it out there the next day and tell him how you feel (the whole "I statement" thing). Truth is, Nikki, it is all building up, and sooner or later you're going to come to a point where you know you're not going to take it anymore. Him working more is no use to you (except for not having to deal with him) if he's spending the extra $$ at the bar? Sorry for the long, rambling blog in a blog. Said with
:heart2:
by NMA5632
1.
a decade ago
Nikki: You have to do what you feel is right for you and the kids. You don't have to defend your choices to us or anyone else. I think you are right. He isn't listening and you can't change him. You can only change how you handle the situation. I hated turning into that nagging wife. It doesn't work anyway. I am sure your counselor you can help you make appropriate changes and deal with the part you can. Did you look into al-anon. I am sure they have some really good advice for how to handle situations like this. You are not alone. You are loved.
:heart1:
by MOM22SONZ