I had my Pampered Chef party tonight. I had 3 people come which I consider a huge success. I have terrible turn out for these kinds of things. But I've had several people tell me they want to order even though they couldn't come. When I did my opening show for jewelry I did not have that kind of response at all. I hardly got any outside orders and only had 2 people show. I could never sell Pampered Chef for a variety of reasons but it really shows me the differences between the businesses. I love selling jewelry but it's a luxury item whereas people see the kitchen stuff as more necessity.

Anyway, food has been awful CHIPS, CHIPS and more CHIPS! Yesterday I had chips for dinner. Tonight and this afternoon more chips. I know it's from the marriage stress and getting ready for this party. Plus I just had the chips around for the party. I am sending them to work with my husband tomorrow.
There is always something that will tempt me with food. An event or stress or something. So I have to learn to deal with that temptation and focus on my goal.
My sister has a great saying when she is tempted, "My goal is bigger than my appetite." I love that.

I really feel so awful about myself today. About how I look and how I've been eating. I hate this.
But instead of wallowing in self pity like I usually do I am planning out tomorrow's meals and writing down my goals.
I will not give up on myself and my goal to be at peace around food and have a healthier body.

And I did end up saying something to my husband this morning about last night. I said casually "Um, I had dinner ready for you last night. You didn't need to go out to eat." He replied that he knew he wouldn't be able to eat with the kids climbing all over him demanding his attention since they hadn't seen them all day. (Uh, how about hitting a drive-thru instead of going to a bar?)
But I just said, I had to miss my run. He apologized and said he forgot about it. He said that's not going to be a habit, it was just a one time thing.
We'll see, but I am glad I said something.
BTW, I feel like there is a difference between staying in a difficult marriage and having an attitude of "Well, I'm going to suck it up and be miserable here for the sake of the children." And breeding resentment and bitterness that will affect everyone.
As opposed to having an attitude of "I'm not giving up on this marriage. For the sake of my children (and really myself too), I'm going to keep trying to make this work. I'm going to pray and do my part and believe in God's provision and grace."

I believe Chris is going through something very painful right now. I don't know exactly what it is. I have my guesses but I don't know for sure because I don't think he really knows for sure. I think he is running from it as hard as he can. I think he's been running from it for a long time now, but it's getting to the point where he can't run anymore and so he has to do more drastic things to hide from it.
He is spiraling downward and I'm not sure where he will land.
I can't do anything except pray for him and hopefully be there for him if he'll let me. But he has to find his own way here.
If he gets abusive, then we are out of here. Otherwise, I want to see where things go.

Thanks for being here for me and supporting me through this. Blogging here has been life changing for me and I appreciate you all more than you'll ever know.