I have not been in the mood to update my blog the last few nights. I think it's because I felt so disappointed that my last entry was lost after I'd written so much. I just didn't feel like writing it all over again. (I know this has happened to everyone probably once so you know what you mean).
And I've had so much going on that it's daunting to write it all.

Well I'll start with yesterday. I had a nice Mother's Day. We went to Silver Dollar City with my in-laws. We have tried to make this a tradition and have done it a few years now, although we didn't go when Carter was a newborn.
So I am exhausted today from walking all over and riding rides and all that.
On Mother's Day I always think of my own mom and how wonderful she is. But now that I'm a mom, I think about how blessed I am to be a mother. I think this day makes me remember how thankful I am to have my boys.
I told my husband that for a mother's day gift, all I wanted was to be able to get a pedicure using my stash money that I have saved for this. I have been saving it for a while for pedicures and haven't been able to get away to use it. So that was my only request for when we make the time for it.
Well, he surprised me on Saturday with flowers. I honestly didn't expect that so I was impressed!

This week things have been a little better with my husband.
I went to my counseling appt on Tuesday and told her how things were getting worse with him. His drinking was escalating and all that. I told her how things went when I confronted him about his drinking, how defensive he was and how he told me to stop talking to him about it. I had been shut down and so discouraged about it since then.
My counselor told me I have every right to keep talking to him about it. In fact, she said I need to keep confronting him about his drinking, emphasizing how it's affecting our family and telling him he needs help. She coached me through exactly how to say things, how to combat his deflections and arguments and when to approach him. But I am so nervous about doing this. However I felt very empowered by our session and left with a purpose about what I am supposed to do.

Then he and I got into a fight about something. (something really stupid in my opinion). I was very upset and I don't remember exactly how it happened but we got into a deeper conversation about how he is handling things in his life. I didn't bring up the drinking because my counselor advised me not to do that when he's been drinking which is, uh, pretty much in the morning before he goes to work. (Can you see why I'm hesitant to do that?)
But Collin has been angry and defiant lately and Chris and I both think it has to do with Chris' behavior, absence and bad moods. He opened up to me about some deep fears he's been having. I listened, affirmed what he's doing well, and gave him some advice.
Well, since then I've seen an attitude change in him. He's been spending alot of time with the kids. And he's been great to me. Very affectionate and loving. It's been awhile since things were like this.
The drinking has only decreased slightly and I hesitate to confront him about it when things are better. I have said a few things in our deep conversations, but I didn't press it.
Honestly, I hate to sound so negative, but I figure things will probably get bad again and I will have an opportunity to confront him again.
But then maybe I should talk to him while things are better between us. I'm going to think and pray about it.

Well, I wanted to talk about my food and exercise, but I'll have to do that later. I need to get us all ready and get Collin to school.
At least I got some stuff updated for now.