Had a good gym workout today. The presence of all the mirrors made me think a lot about how different my body feels and looks being in my mid-forties than it did when I was in my 20s or 30s. Though my weight has changed since joining CK at the beginning of this year, I still look so much softer than I did even in my late 30s. I don't know if that will change with time of if there is just something "soft" inherent in getting older. Found myself slyly looking at the older ladies at the gym. Women in their 60s, 70s, and beyond (yes, there are old codger-ettes in the gym!). Felt a sense of admiration, and a small question-prayer escaped "will the Lord let me live to have old age?"


I do like the changes in behavior I am seeing, and I am learning to balance the occasional splurge with a lean day. Last night was my brother-in-law's birthday party; I ate carefully through the day, then ate modestly at the dinner gathering. But because of a decision to drink 500 calories of cranberry juice cocktail to help combat a UTI, I was 600+ calories over for the day. Today I am about 400 calories under, yet not hungry! So I think the balance is the thing.

Just starting to learn how to use CK's blogs as a resource for inspiration. I'm starting to contact a few people to say "thanks", and I'm starting to feel a certain pleasure – or is it pride – that I'm part of a large (tho' virtual) community that works for change. For some reason the blogs have more resonance than the forums. I'll keep giving the forums a chance – still haven't reach my one month mark on CK, and I know everything changes with time.

Took time this week to think about setting goals and giving rewards. Talked to a few friends about it, too. Helpful. Most of the musings kept bringing me back to Annie LaMott's book "Bird by Bird" ... in it, among many reminiscences, she tells a story of her brother, a child overwhelmed at the task of writing a report on birds. Their father's advice to her brother: just write it bird by bird. How does this translate to my life? I'm not losing 40 pounds, I'm working on losing my next 10 pounds. I'm not preparing for a powerlifting competition, I'm working on lifting more consistently. I'm not riding my bike for a weekend 5 hour trip, I'm riding to be strong enough to commute 2x a week. Small goals build for the big.<p><p>
Studies this week with Amy-Jill Levine -- by her writings and her recordings. I have a course of hers from the Teaching Company on the Old Testatment, and I've borrowed one of her books from the library "The Misunderstood Jew." The two best things I've taken away from these studies so far: There is a different between a contract and a covenant. And "....[f]or too long Jesus has been the wedge the drives Christians and Jews apart. I suggest that we can also see him as a bridge between us. ..." Still, are we ready to cross that bridge?

I am greatful for this day, I look forward to our time of worship tomorrow, in thought deed and action may it be God's will that my life help to bring shalom to the world. Amen.