Finally, I've received my first letter from a child I sponsor in South America. She's just 5-years-old, and I've been sponsoring her since last summer. For several months areas of her country had very bad weather, severe rains and problems with flooding and even hail which destroyed crops. I was concerned for her safety and her family, and her community (agrarian). But the sponsoring group reported that all was well enough, and they would contact me directly if there was truly something to be concerned about with my sponsored child. Sponsoring group also said I should receive my first letter after four months, here it is almost 8 months since my sponsorship started. I have to say in the last few weeks I was giving up hope of ever receiving a letter. Which made me question my motives in sponsorship. Motives seem complex.

I am a step-mother to three -- but those children were in their teens when I met their father, and the two oldest were in their 20s by the time I married their father. All in all, his family has been very accepting and welcoming of me. They include me in most everything, are careful to honor my special days. There is one special child of my husband's kids, who consistently reaches out to me and makes me feel that I am precious in what I offer to him and to the family. And deeply important to us is the one niece, and her son (the grandnephew) that we see very regularly.

My husband and I had talked of adopting children during our courtship, a discussion that continued into our marriage. And we even explored in-vitro options for having a child. But we're both older. And we felt some questions at becoming parents at this late stage. Our lives are enriched with young nieces, nephews, and sometimes even visits from out-of-town grandkids.

Surprising to me (since I never imagined I'd want to have children), I find there is still some longing in me for a child. Someone to point to and say "she is mine", or "we helped her grow up", or "me and beloved hubby made that one together." I don't think the hubby understands this part of me. Discussions with him about such things usually end up quite rancorous and just bring disharmony to our home for days. So I've sought my own counsel, and talk to God in my prayers about these feelings.

Last summer I felt called to sponsor a child. It seemed connecting to a child one-to-one through my letters would be the best choice to ease that child-longing at this time. I love to write and mail letters, I love to put together small packages to share. And my work schedule is erratic, making something like a Big Sisters program not quite a good option for now.

But without word from that sponsored child for so long, I wondered if my motivation was in the right place. I remembered that in my faith journey, sometimes it is important to DO THE RIGHT THING without regard to how it feels! I continued my prayers for her, her family, and community. I continued to write regular letters. Still there was an empty place because the communication wasn't reciprocal.

All the worry is gone. The one letter will nourish and encourage me for months to come. And perhaps now the letters will become more regular -- i'm willing to be an optimist about this!

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Small weight loss this week. Nice drop in body-fat percentage. Did well with food and movement. Had one horribly stressful day, and allowed a few extra calories on that day to help cope. It was a thoughtful use of calories!

As I change physically, I see that my needs change. What does that mean? Reading BRIENMALONE's blog, I know that I need to consistently add in weight training (strength training) or I will stop seeing returns.

I notice, too, that my food needs are different. When I began, an occasional "fresco" style meal at Taco Bell felt fine. With our grandnephew last night our family had one of those fresco meals - yuck. Just was not the nourishment I needed. It's been more than a month since I've eaten at Taco Bell (my hubby's favorite junk food place). I think T-B will be taken off my list of places for the occasional treat.

I think the best change is no desire to binge eat. That is a blessed change indeed! Used to be if there was an abundance of food (as at a buffet or potluck), I'd eat until I wanted to lay on the floor to breathe. No more. Before arriving at an event or restaurant, I will think about what my calorie debt and activity level has been throughout the day. I consider what I may want to eat given the options. I choose my portion sizes. I eat what I think is the right amount. If I still feel hungry, I engage in conversation first, sip a little water, then ask "do I really want this and need this." If no, I stop. If yes, I determine how much I will allow myself and take just that. Done.

If I did have more than my first plan, no crazy guilt or self-flagellation. Just move on to the next day and good actions then.

So, I'm pleased. I'm trying. Good progress is still being made. I'm immersed in the season of Lent. My spirit is challenged and moved. Praise Yah!

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Lunar eclipse in these parts this week. Joyfully beautiful to watch in the clear dark star-speckled sky. Lucky, I got to watch the eclipse in my faith community. We were gathered for our Lenten Wednesday evening service. Increased the joy to share among the community members, to watch together and breathe deeply the night air and wonder of all creation.

oy, what a blog-ful!