Yesterday’s blog listed changes I’ve noticed with weight loss. The hardest change: I can’t hide from me. All the food and bad habits I was using to hide unhappiness, strong feelings, dissatisfaction, confusion, anger – all those things are surfacing, and sometimes surfacing with a vengeance. <sigh>

I try to be like the Zwerg in Jane Kirkpatrick’s book A Mending at the Edge: “'You can’t always get what you want in this life,' Brita said. Her smile filled her wide face. ‘But as any wise Zwerg knows, a hopeful soul learns to spin gold from the straw she’s been given.’”

Sometimes I can only be like Ennis del Mar in Brokeback Mountain: "If you can't fix it you got to stand it."

But I'm learning there are some things I do not stand well, and I'm not so clever to spin straw into gold.

My job is one place in my life where I struggle.

In my work life, I am a person who is detail oriented, enjoys a measure of structure, I like to be innovative in my approach to problems (or even just the rough places), I like to be able to take initiative, and I thrive on communication.

My work environment does not much support these things. I've been casually looking for another position for years. While I have oodles of experience and consistently show myself to be above competent, I have no credentials. So the search has been fruitless, not even a nibble for four years.

Recently, a promising job opening came up with a company in town that I admire. It would be a pay cut (about 30%), but the benefit by changing would be enormous. My commute time would be cut in half, the benefits are better, the working community is much more diverse, and the structure of the company is clear which would allow me to grow within the structure. Not having to travel (my current job requires overnight travel on average more than 1x per month), and having a shorter commute time, might give me time to return to school to become credentialed. I sent in an application.

Friday evening I received word that I've made the first cut, and I've been invited in to take the first round of tests. I'm excited and so very hopeful. Also I am feeling afraid that this simply won't come to pass. Or that I am being willful and not seeing how great is my current employer (I've been with them 11 years come August).

My Grandmother always used to say to me "The devil you know is better than the devil you haven't met yet." That statement always struck me as such an odd thing to say. But in this context, her statement brings me pause.

But I have no decision to make yet. So perhaps I'm pushing a molehill to be a mountain. Like my CK journey, I just need to take this one step at a time. If/when I get to the point of having a true choice, weeks should have passed. I should have learned much about the new place, and had time to consider the benefits of staying at the old place. I will continue my prayer and discernment process. May it be God's will that when it is time to make a decision, my choice will be clear.

If anyone has comments or wants to weigh in on how they've a) come to the decision to leave a job; and/or b) taken a new job recently, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks. -Otter

Picture unrelated to todays blog, comes from yesterday's long walk. I was enchanted by these gorgeous roses and snapped a self-portrait.