A chocolate calorie IS different from a fruit calorie. After more than a month at or near the very same weight, my conclusion is that I am eating too many snacks for the savory pleasure, and not enough snacks as part of my big nutrition picture. I am just not interested in earnestly trying to reach goal weight (about 10 pounds from that). I am enjoying the HIGH ACTIVITY level of summer, enjoying the wonderful summer fruits and the taste of beef!, enjoying not keeping track of my food. I figure I will re-evaluating dreams, goals, and tolerance for self-discipline after the Bike Pedal event August 10. Still, I confess to a little irritation at my lack of self-discipline, and my lack of interest at reaching goal weight. I mean really, I am just one pound away from being in "normal zone" (instead of "overweight" for my weight and 8-10 pounds from goal!

Do not interfere with camera download. In a hurry to see pictures just taken from the most recent family event, I closed a program window before download was completed, but not before pictures were deleted from the camera. Poof, no pictures at all! Argh, then <Sigh>.

Retaliatory embarrassment doesn't work. That's right. I've got a hubby who is excellent at saying things that embarrass me. This week I tried an episode of compensatory (retaliatory) embarrassment. It embarrassed the both of us – and I may have made the "eww, those neighbors" list. <Sigh2> I hope the neighbors are more forgiving than I feel I deserve at this point.

New things get old quick. Traded in my manual transmission car for a low-low miles used car with automatic transmission that looked good as new. New car is one both hubby and I can drive, and it gets better gas miles than hubby's work truck. Hubby borrowed car during first week of ownership in order to run some of his errands and do a favor for me. In process, he got chocolate stains on driver's seat, and bike grease stains in bed of station wagon. I was so hoping to enjoy that "new car" feeling for a little longer than a week. <Sigh3> It is just a thing after all.

I am the least social person I know. While searching for the meaning of life after my mom died, dealing with the grief and joining a faith community, I thought lots of my problems were caused by a lack of friends and little opportunity for fellowship. Now, 15 years later, I think fellowship and friends are important, but it is my true and deep nature to need less active friendship and fellowship than many others. I noticed that at work I am the person least likely to seek a lunch companion or coffee-break date. Then I got to thinking about my life. As far back as I can remember (before I even started school), it was rare for me to seek out social situations. I always felt much more comfortable in small groups (less than 5), and preferred to allow friends to find me rather than seeking friendship. While this has been a bone of contention in my marriage because hubby is VERY gregarious, social, outgoing, and publicly charming, I would prefer evenings and weekends with just the two of us. My compromise: 1 weekend a month we host one of his young relatives (I have no young relatives close-by); we attend one monthly event (theatre, museums, etc), two to four evenings a month we go out to some mutually agreeable thing – a book club reading, a church event, a family gathering. The rest of my leisure time I guard as my own – for bike rides, for walks, for reading, for staring at the sky. Why is it irritating to learn this is "my way" now? Because I spent 40 years thinking something was wrong with me because I am this way. I thought I was broken. But I am not broken and everything feels easier now that I can honor what I need.

I want to change my career. I have spent 29 years in the legal field. I would like to retire in 15 years. And I would like to retire from something other than law! What's irritating here? I have to face my biggest fears: financial failure, and education failure. Having to chart a new world course, and follow that course to completion. I will be 50+ before I get into the new field, if I make it. Exploratory "seminar" scheduled for August 13 at the local community college. Plans for my future will be expanded after that experience.

That's it for irritation this week.

Hubby and I had a great hike today for activity. The hike made my legs SORE after yesterday's 40-mile bike ride, but my spirit sure was renewed being outside under the great sky and sucking in such wonderful gulp-fulls of green scented air. (Picture is from top of trail, after climbing all the way to the to the top of the tallest falls.) Hope to be restored in muscle by a long session of Yoga tomorrow.

If you have read my blog post this far, thank you for catching up with me. May you be blessed by good questions this week. Shalom!