I spoke with my baby sister last night. Our middle sister is in hospital. The cancer has spread further. Middle sister is on morphine and is no longer able to communicate with us. No one expects her to live much longer.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to travel. Not knowing what to expect from myself, or anything. Just wanting a safe trip, a time to connect with those who are here, a chance to hold the hand of middle sister and whisper into her ear. Hearing is the last sense to go. If she is to know I am close, I must speak into her ear.

Woke up with sweats and am at the keyboard early last night. Logged yesterday's food and duly noted that I ate too much.

I breathe in, I breathe out. I am always amazed in times of deep emotion that life does go on. The ordinary needs are always present. And I feel best if I stay connected to what's real and what is present and what is now.

You know, each moment can be savored. Each moment is a never repeatable moment.

I'm posting a picture. This is what 4 a.m., concerned for my middle sister, peri-menopausal sleep disturbed looks like.

If you've read this far, thank you. If you're a praying person, please pray for safe travel for me, safe journey for middle sister, comfort and strength and gentleness for the family and friends who surround middle sister.

Shalom -Otter