OTTER's CalorieKing blog
Monday, Dec 1 2008 - New Month!
View OTTER's food & exercise for this day
Breathe in, breathe out; one foot in front of the other.
It was a challenging weekend. Middle sister spent some time in hospital. Was discharged back home on same day. I am glad she is home, but also worried that we can't give her the care she needs. There is a constant energy of anxiety/fear that we may do something that will hurt middle sister.
It is a new kind of work to remember to take care of myself, and to continue to apply the skills I have learned through CK to my day to day experiences. Today I decided to go back to logging food, water, and activity. I'll be doing it on paper at first, since I never know what my time may be like on the laptop. If time opens up, i'll food log to CK. It's just so nice to access the CK tools later - the things that help quantify the accomplishments with graphs and charts and some little "kudos" sentence for me.
Hope I'm not repeating myself: But found myself angry with middle sister several times over the weekend. Having first been diagnosed in 2004, what preparations has she done to get herself ready for her own death? Her lack of preparation makes it hard on the rest of us. Then I breathe deeply, and remind myself that each of us is entitled to our own path in life, to make our own choices. If middle sister still needs to talk about "when I get better" at this stage, that's just what she needs. And it is her journey, and her choice. Also, things change so quickly with her disease, and outside the disease, with her process. Middle sister could wake up from an afternoon nap and suddenly be ready to talk about how she wants her end-time medical care handled (helping her health care proxy individuals to chose properly), and how she wants her belongings and remains to be handled. Who knows.
Besides. I know I'm the weird one. I've had a last will & testament since I was 21. And personal directive since then, too.
Find myself unbearably sad, too. I go for walks, talk to God, wait for sensible answers. But life is not always fair or sensible.
This week hubby's care packages should arrive from home. So I should be more comfortable physically (it's COLD here), and have resources to maintain my own strength (exercise DVDs, spiritual works I use for devotion and study).
Attended a new church yesterday. Wow, that was wonderful. A very warm and welcoming group. An extraordinary Reverend who knew exactly how to reach out to me through my concern, worry, sadness, grief, pain...
I'm going to try to attend their bible study on Wednesday evenings; as well as attend church service there on Sundays.
Love and gratitude to those who visit here, and offer their prayers and words of support. Thank you for giving me the gift of your time.
Shalom, -Otter
It was a challenging weekend. Middle sister spent some time in hospital. Was discharged back home on same day. I am glad she is home, but also worried that we can't give her the care she needs. There is a constant energy of anxiety/fear that we may do something that will hurt middle sister.
It is a new kind of work to remember to take care of myself, and to continue to apply the skills I have learned through CK to my day to day experiences. Today I decided to go back to logging food, water, and activity. I'll be doing it on paper at first, since I never know what my time may be like on the laptop. If time opens up, i'll food log to CK. It's just so nice to access the CK tools later - the things that help quantify the accomplishments with graphs and charts and some little "kudos" sentence for me.
Hope I'm not repeating myself: But found myself angry with middle sister several times over the weekend. Having first been diagnosed in 2004, what preparations has she done to get herself ready for her own death? Her lack of preparation makes it hard on the rest of us. Then I breathe deeply, and remind myself that each of us is entitled to our own path in life, to make our own choices. If middle sister still needs to talk about "when I get better" at this stage, that's just what she needs. And it is her journey, and her choice. Also, things change so quickly with her disease, and outside the disease, with her process. Middle sister could wake up from an afternoon nap and suddenly be ready to talk about how she wants her end-time medical care handled (helping her health care proxy individuals to chose properly), and how she wants her belongings and remains to be handled. Who knows.
Besides. I know I'm the weird one. I've had a last will & testament since I was 21. And personal directive since then, too.
Find myself unbearably sad, too. I go for walks, talk to God, wait for sensible answers. But life is not always fair or sensible.
This week hubby's care packages should arrive from home. So I should be more comfortable physically (it's COLD here), and have resources to maintain my own strength (exercise DVDs, spiritual works I use for devotion and study).
Attended a new church yesterday. Wow, that was wonderful. A very warm and welcoming group. An extraordinary Reverend who knew exactly how to reach out to me through my concern, worry, sadness, grief, pain...
I'm going to try to attend their bible study on Wednesday evenings; as well as attend church service there on Sundays.
Love and gratitude to those who visit here, and offer their prayers and words of support. Thank you for giving me the gift of your time.
Shalom, -Otter
2 comments so far.
2.
a decade ago
by JUSTPATTI
1.
a decade ago
Being a caregiver is difficult, even in the best of situations. You are doing a wonderful and loving job. In taking care of my mother over these past 9 months I have come to truly appreciate that God gives us a new day each day to try again. I have to put yesterday behind me and not worry about tomorrow. I am truly living each day now, although not how I thought I would. Perhaps this will help to prepare us for our own futures - in sickness and in health. Your sister is blessed to have you and you to have her. Keep up the prayers and reaching out for support. We're here.
:kiss: - A
by LOVESANIRISHMAN