Middle sister is changing so fast. We had a home aide visit today, so middle sister had her little bird bath, and got to sit in the wheelchair and enjoy fresh pear as she looked out the window to the wintery sky.

Then our hospice nurse came to visit. We spoke with her for about an hour. I understand now that we could be days from the end, because middle sister has already begun showing the signs of body functions shutting down.

I'm coping by living in the minute, minute-to-minute. Middle sister is preciously, painfully, beautiful to me right now. I'm greatful to those who visit, for the strength and love in our family, and for the ways middle sister reaches past her disease, and the drugs controlling pain, to show us her Self.

I hold her hand, speak to her sweetly, carress her forehead or rub her arms. I watch her for long minutes, the labored breathing, the rapid beating of her heart drumming up through her skin. I adjust a blanket, a sheet, or a pillow. I make sure her water is fresh. I watch baby sister do the same things. And beloved stepmom do her caring dance, too. I try to imagine my dad's worry for his middle daughter, and can't even approach it.

(Did I tell you dad was hospitalized over weekend. Suspect heart attack was diagnosed as severe anemia and addressed with blood transfusions. Tests to determine cause will be scheduled for later this week.)

Today I started to wonder how I could possibly manage to cope after middle sister passes on. Will I weep? Will I scream at the skies? Will I be able to remember the one I name My Savior in the midst of the pain?

How can us two sisters be enough? Us three no longer a matched set? Three musketeers, dynamic treo. We move into something new. Isn't all life like that? Always changing. I guess one might say, tongue in cheek, that death is the biggest change to a life, right after conception.

Okay, throat tight, tears big in my eyes, I will log off for today. May sign in again to post a pic of some of middle sisters art work.

Peace be with you. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. -Otter