My family tells me we did great at the Memorial Service. I was the only blood relative to speak. My baby sister wrote something that her hubby read for her, my stepmom and dad brought themselves and other gifts (flowers, art), but I was the only one to speak. I'm glad I did speak. I invited anyone who felt comfortable to share a memory or two, to tells us what middle sister meant to them. There were some amazing stories.

I learned that middle sister was generous with her time and art, and she was focused and worked very hard to be the force for love and change that she herself wanted in the world. There were countless friends, and artists who came to the funeral home through blizzard-like conditions to honor my sister. My heart was both heavy as lead, and joyfully light, like hydrogen. Middle sister had a home that inspired other artists, a studio she shared, and lived bravely and honorably with the disease of cancer. One gallery owner spoke of the gift of time middle sister gave to his own younger sister. Gallery owner's sister was diagnosed and treated for cancer at 26, and then withdrew from life. Middle sister met this young woman, took her off on a two hour visit, and changed that young woman's life -- she was willing to be a full participant in life again, returning to school, making friends and relationships!

I was honored, too, by the presence of the priest from the local church I've been attending. He came out on the awful weather night, and was a comforting presence for me.

I wept as I closed the evening by sharing one of my earliest memories of my middle sister. I had a nightmare when I was maybe 5 years old. Middle sister woke to my cries, asked me to tell my dream, and comforted me by wrapping her small arms around me, stroking my head, and telling me I was safe in her arms. I will miss that middle sister forever. I am grateful for the time we had her here on this earthly plain. I trust that she is in a place without pain, and has been welcomed into the arms of God. My images of what that means do not matter. Only she and God knows what that experience is like.

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Late last night as I stared into the dark before sleep, I realized how healing the memorial service had been. Middle sister's life was full of meaning. She has left untold gifts in the world -- gifts of her art, her writing, the time she spent with so many other artists. I am certain that these sowed gifts will reap many fruits in the weeks and years to come.

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Me: Lots of snow walking, some snow shoveling. Eating to satisfaction. Making choices for less sugar in my life, and less use of artificial sweetners (middle sister felt certain that artificial sweetners were one of the factors that added to her cancer diagnosis).

Today I am looking forward to Christmas Eve service - caroling, worship, and then a celebration in the Rectory. There will still be much that happens here before I can return home early in the new year. But my heart is not constantly heavy. I'm still stunned at this loss :-) but I can see the beauty, I know that death does not mean the world is out of balance, God is with me and all things work to God's will (I sure hope!).

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Peace of the Lord be with you. Love, -Otter