OTTER's CalorieKing blog
Monday, Jan 19 2009 - Each day strange and different from the last...
View OTTER's food & exercise for this day
An "accounting" of what's going on.
I am a person who loves routine and ritual, who thrives when she has a stable home base. I have been without my chosen routines/rituals since November, when I returned east to help my middle sister with her last illness. Throughout the illness and caring and its stresses, I would envision my home as an oasis, and tell myself I could survive whatever I needed to do as long as I could return home. That vision sustained me.
Vision shattered: Hubby came back east to help our family tidy up the ends after middle sister passed on, and shared with me that the house was under demo for major remodel. House has not been livable since mid-December, I've visited house but we cannot live there, yet, during remodel process.
Coping: I find that each day is very different from the last, as though my days are not strung together, each day a bead on a necklace. Rather, each day is a bubble, blown from the wand of time, sometimes they float lovely, sometimes they pop right out of the wand. I don't know how to be kind to hubby about this horrible error in decision he's made -- yes, the house will be wonderful when its done, yes, we both agreed to the plans. I just never would have chosen to add this stress to my already stress-grieving life. But I can't beat him up about this stuff forever.
AND, I still need to put one foot in front of the other, still need to find my own routines, and stick to the healthy patterns I've learned over the last year.
How in the heck to do this?
<sigh>
Today I was going to run a blog on quotes I'd found about work. How we view work, how work is friend and foe both. How work is a place of growth and a place of stagnation. They were just interesting things I'd read in my process to learn what I might be doing with my work life.
Instead, I'm whining about what my life isn't.
Maybe it just has to be like this for now. Maybe I just have to keep breathing in, breathing out, and each day do what I can. Each day isolated from the last -- yesterdays failures don't impinge on today's possible successes. Yesterday's successes not determining how today may be rocked by certain failures.
Okay, I think I should sign off now. I'm just spiraling in a loop, dangerously close to the pity pot. There's a roof over my head. I know where my next meal is coming from. I'm not on the real edge of anything. TRUST!
Love, "Weird" Otter!
I am a person who loves routine and ritual, who thrives when she has a stable home base. I have been without my chosen routines/rituals since November, when I returned east to help my middle sister with her last illness. Throughout the illness and caring and its stresses, I would envision my home as an oasis, and tell myself I could survive whatever I needed to do as long as I could return home. That vision sustained me.
Vision shattered: Hubby came back east to help our family tidy up the ends after middle sister passed on, and shared with me that the house was under demo for major remodel. House has not been livable since mid-December, I've visited house but we cannot live there, yet, during remodel process.
Coping: I find that each day is very different from the last, as though my days are not strung together, each day a bead on a necklace. Rather, each day is a bubble, blown from the wand of time, sometimes they float lovely, sometimes they pop right out of the wand. I don't know how to be kind to hubby about this horrible error in decision he's made -- yes, the house will be wonderful when its done, yes, we both agreed to the plans. I just never would have chosen to add this stress to my already stress-grieving life. But I can't beat him up about this stuff forever.
AND, I still need to put one foot in front of the other, still need to find my own routines, and stick to the healthy patterns I've learned over the last year.
How in the heck to do this?
<sigh>
Today I was going to run a blog on quotes I'd found about work. How we view work, how work is friend and foe both. How work is a place of growth and a place of stagnation. They were just interesting things I'd read in my process to learn what I might be doing with my work life.
Instead, I'm whining about what my life isn't.
Maybe it just has to be like this for now. Maybe I just have to keep breathing in, breathing out, and each day do what I can. Each day isolated from the last -- yesterdays failures don't impinge on today's possible successes. Yesterday's successes not determining how today may be rocked by certain failures.
Okay, I think I should sign off now. I'm just spiraling in a loop, dangerously close to the pity pot. There's a roof over my head. I know where my next meal is coming from. I'm not on the real edge of anything. TRUST!
Love, "Weird" Otter!
1 comments so far.
1.
a decade ago
I feel for you, Otter! My home is my respite, my oasis, my place of comfort. If my house was unliveable I'd be completely out of sorts. (I get out of sorts when my house is just extra dirty!) Your husband made a mistake in judgement, but he did it with the best of intentions. I don't know what this situation is trying to teach you, but one thing I do know for sure is that pain will always come growth if you allow it. From reading your blog, I think I know that you are open to growth and to life's lesson(s). ((hugs))
by MARJORIEO