I had one of those eye-opening moments last night, one that made me stop and wonder "how often do I respond this way?!"

Last evening I was working in my garden when my hubby came home. Once he'd gotten himself settled, he came out to the garden and was willing to help. We're still in slug season, so I pointed out some slugs I couldn't reach and asked him to do away with the hungry little beasties. And then I got angry with him for the way he was killing the slugs.

What earthly difference could it make what method he chose to use to kill the slugs? Why should I have cared? And why should I speak to him so poorly about such a dumb thing?!

Then I realized it wasn't about the slugs. I was aching from the arthritis, and feeling inadequate to the learning of how to garden, and sad that I'd had to be away from home so long that day (long work day). All of it coupled together to make my hubby the target of useless anger. <sigh>

Will I ever learn? I know this is my way.
I get easily overwhelmed, afraid of doing things wrong, anxious about change. And then I get grumpy.

Funny, 'cause I'm not sure that many people see this feature of my character from the outside. But it is one of the traits I like least about myself. And this is the lesson I learn again and again. Slow down. Be aware. Respond to what's really happening, not to the anxiousness I carry or build inside me.

Slow Down. S-L-O-W D-O-W-N.

Okay, that's the mantra for the day. Or until next I have a chance to blog.

(Still Beck-ing. Still BodyBugg-ing. Working on longer bike rides. Things are okay!)