OTTER's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Jul 8 2009 - Random Musings...
View OTTER's food & exercise for this day
Back from a business trip out in the high desert. Lots of time by myself, interesting thoughts. At least to me.
* * *
However we live, we live by the choices we make. What is relevant in my life, who I am, who I was, who I become are based on the choices I make. [Real awareness that I have this freedom because of where/when I was born. It's a privilege that many in the world do not enjoy.]
If I'm not happy with what I surround myself with, I have to make different choices. Much of this synthesized as I begin reading Rapt, a book about focus.
* * *
Christianity, at least as I understand it, is about choice. I do not have to be who I was, even as who I was acts as a foundation to my life. Really, I can trust in the goodness of life/living and let go of fear, guilt, mistrust that have me behave in unproductive ways or with rudeness (or even cruelty).
* * *
I love my husband very much. But I can't feel safe in our marriage. I can't influence him enough so that he is willing to make financial choices (and other choices) with my input. And I am no longer willing to feel insecure or betrayed because he makes decisions that do not honor our discussions or stated goals.
* * *
Working with my husband to prepare for the small claims court issue caused by my husband's choices and poor communication is painful and grievous for us both. Hubby is as miserable as I am. So much time wasted, so much money misappropriated. Money that we had agreed would go toward several other plans this year. All forgotten by the Hubby while I was away caring for terminally ill sister.
GIGANTIC SIGH HERE.
* * *
If I stay in friendship with Hubby after marriage dissolution, do I cut myself off from potentially compatible life-mate? Some of those hours away from home at hotel reminded me of what a single-woman's loneliness felt like before my marriage.
Some of the hours reminded me of the pleasure of a self-directed life as a single-woman before marriage.
* * *
I am not ready, YET, to make completely healthy food choices. The sensual, distracting, joyful pleasure of lipid-laden foods are a particular comfort not matched by positive-words or a nice number on the scale. I am certain this will change.
* * *
I am exercising regularly. Still training for late summer 40-mile bike ride over all those bridges. My heart lifts just thinking about it.
* * *
I breath deeply. I have devotational time. I'm reaching out to friends and family. I'm active. I write. I'm engaged with my world (small, large, local, global). I will survive, I will get to the place of thriving once more, God willing. And, if not, I will find God where I am. It's the truth of my life.
* * *
Late, gonna sign off. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your visit. Peace and joy be with you as you journey on your day.
Blessings, -Otter
* * *
However we live, we live by the choices we make. What is relevant in my life, who I am, who I was, who I become are based on the choices I make. [Real awareness that I have this freedom because of where/when I was born. It's a privilege that many in the world do not enjoy.]
If I'm not happy with what I surround myself with, I have to make different choices. Much of this synthesized as I begin reading Rapt, a book about focus.
* * *
Christianity, at least as I understand it, is about choice. I do not have to be who I was, even as who I was acts as a foundation to my life. Really, I can trust in the goodness of life/living and let go of fear, guilt, mistrust that have me behave in unproductive ways or with rudeness (or even cruelty).
* * *
I love my husband very much. But I can't feel safe in our marriage. I can't influence him enough so that he is willing to make financial choices (and other choices) with my input. And I am no longer willing to feel insecure or betrayed because he makes decisions that do not honor our discussions or stated goals.
* * *
Working with my husband to prepare for the small claims court issue caused by my husband's choices and poor communication is painful and grievous for us both. Hubby is as miserable as I am. So much time wasted, so much money misappropriated. Money that we had agreed would go toward several other plans this year. All forgotten by the Hubby while I was away caring for terminally ill sister.
GIGANTIC SIGH HERE.
* * *
If I stay in friendship with Hubby after marriage dissolution, do I cut myself off from potentially compatible life-mate? Some of those hours away from home at hotel reminded me of what a single-woman's loneliness felt like before my marriage.
Some of the hours reminded me of the pleasure of a self-directed life as a single-woman before marriage.
* * *
I am not ready, YET, to make completely healthy food choices. The sensual, distracting, joyful pleasure of lipid-laden foods are a particular comfort not matched by positive-words or a nice number on the scale. I am certain this will change.
* * *
I am exercising regularly. Still training for late summer 40-mile bike ride over all those bridges. My heart lifts just thinking about it.
* * *
I breath deeply. I have devotational time. I'm reaching out to friends and family. I'm active. I write. I'm engaged with my world (small, large, local, global). I will survive, I will get to the place of thriving once more, God willing. And, if not, I will find God where I am. It's the truth of my life.
* * *
Late, gonna sign off. If you've read this far, thank you so much for your visit. Peace and joy be with you as you journey on your day.
Blessings, -Otter
1 comments so far.
1.
a decade ago
I can tell that it breaks your heart to think of ending your marriage but I'm proud for your strength is taking care of yourself and standing up for your right to have a say in your financial situation. There is a prayer that I love called the Prayer of Protection that says "The light of God surrounds me. The love of God enfolds me. The power of God protects me. The presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am God is and all is well." I believe that God is with you wherever you are. Strength & Blessings to you!
by MARJORIEO