Outdoor service at church today. Perfect weather for it ... mid 60s at the start and in the shade, low 70s and sunny by the end of worship, and all of us in folding chairs sitting shoulder to shoulder (instead of spread out in the sanctuary designed for 500). I loved the birdsong and bird flight, I loved the people song, the range of ages, the neighbors driving by, the sermon message from the book of Mark. A worship of renewal!

* * *

Contrasting yesterday's ponderings about how blood family calls to me are the ponderings developing out of my grown family. People I've collected (or who have collected me) since I moved to this area of the world more than half a lifetime ago.

Yvonne, Mr. Bear - these two I have known the longest and seek out most often.

I've been on my job for more than a dozen years, and that community of thrown together people has become a network of support and encouragement.

I love the area where I live. The geography, the weather, the history.

And my church is the source of nourishment on so many levels I don't know that I can fully describe it. Plus it has given me a new language of love and encouragement, something I hunger for and hope continues to grow and reveal itself.

All this makes my found family. Something I don't want to leave.

* * *

Anybody out there watching Hulu? www.hulu.com -- they have video clips, full tv episodes, and full-length movies available to watch for free. Since I have no TV, and I don't often like to spend full-price for movies, I probably sit in front of Huly 3 or 4 hours a week (movies and TV series). Last night I watch a National Geographic special on Competitive Speed Eaters. Outside of how revolting it is when someone eats more than the body can handle, it was a fascinating look at people who don't register the feeling of fullness. And I couldn't help but draw comparisons to myself -- not as a speed eater, but as an OVEREATER.

I choose to ignore the signals of satiety. And sometimes I don't notice the signals. And overeating puts a strain on the functioning of my organs. Watching the NG program made me resolve to be better about caring for myself nutritionally. So far today, I have done better. A measured breakfast, a modest snack at church, a measured lunch, and regular water.

I'm trying to set aside my sense of helplessness and a life out of control, and really work the areas where I do have control and influence, really celebrate the ways I can make my own choices in life. What I think, what I do, that is what I am and what I become.

* * *

I'm thinking a lot on my marriage, and how it is not an easy thing to understand what are the right choices, and how to imagine a future with or without this man. Fiction hasn't given me a very good clue, and the non-fiction available to me doesn't seem to address what I'm dealing with, and I have few real-live examples to work from. I'm wondering if I try to set it all out and then set it aside to read later, if it will finally "gel" for me into what my personal next step should be...?

Enough for now. Perhaps more later.

If you've visited: Peace be with you. To those in need today, may you experience answered prayers. -Otter