Today... the subway had about a million problems, there were literally THOUSANDS of people on the platform waiting to board the train... and I made a judgement call at the last minute to squeeze onto the train as the doors were closing. I had seen 3 trains pass by already and I was late for work.

Well, the guy next to me started to try and shove me off the train as the doors were closing and I engaged him in conversation saying "I'm sorry, I don't mean to push, but I really need to get to work" at which point he took the opportunity to scold me about how "it's people like you who push and shove other people that gets other innocent people on the train hurt. Can't you see there is a little girl here?"

And yes, there was a little girl - but no, she wasn't hurt... nor was anyone else. And as soon as the train started moving and people settled in... it became apparent that there was more than enough room for me there.

But yet the guy kept scoffing and scolding me.

I decided to keep talking back... explaining that I was sorry to inconvenience him, that I didn't mean to push him and I'm sorry if he felt like I had pushed him... etc etc

But he didn't want an apology. He wanted vengeance for all the problems he was having today with the subway. I was just a convenient prop for him to lay all his problems on.

Realizing there was nothing I could say to convince him I really am not an evil person, I shut up.

10 minutes later, in silence, I arrived at my stop and looked up at him as I got off the train and said "I hope you have a good day" ... and I meant it. And you know what he said back? I EXPECTED him to grumble and be sarcastic and rude to me... but he said "you too." and I am choosing to believe he was sincere when he said it.

Is there a lesson here? I think there are a few:

1) Everyone has a different story - even when our stories overlap (i.e. on the same subway car) we still experience or stories separately. We can INFLUENCE other people's stories... but only THEY can change them. We only have power over our own stories no matter how much we want to change other people's stories (for good or worse)

2) Not everything is personal, even if the other person thinks it is. The guy today on the train, he probably thought... in the moment... that I was an awful person and he was completely justified to be as rude to me as he was... but I bet... later on, he had the ability to see he was taking his anger and frustration out on me. That maybe I had bothered him, but what was REALLY upsetting was that the subway was late, packed, and had delays between stations.

3) Sometimes silence speaks more than words. While no one should feel like their voice has been taken from them... sometimes the most mature thing we can do when we disagree with others is to stop talking and let everyone take a moment to think about what their saying... before they say it.

4) Don't leave negative energy hanging around. This is probably the most important... when we feel improperly treated, unfairly understood, like the stars are out of alignment... there is that sinking feeling in the gut. "Could I have done something different?" or "If only I had done this or that" or "He/She was so this or that adjective"... these are all statements that leave the negative energy floating around you. Try to find ways to let the negative energy go... and even... if possible... turn them into positive energy.

In this case... I think the guy saw I was genuinely wishing him a good day. It's hard to keep throwing negative energy at someone when they are tossing your positive energy.

And for the vibrancy of your soul, you need to let the negative stuff go. Even if I hadn't succeeded in having the guy tell me "You too" at least I knew I did what I could on MY side to improve the energy between us.

So...

Long story short - you can't change anyone else no matter how hard you want to or try - but you CAN change how you react to others and what negative energy they throws at you and whether or not you let it stick around.