PLATEOFSTARS's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Feb 10 2010 - Identity Crisis
View PLATEOFSTARS's food & exercise for this day
More and more I am hearing the same expression from various people either when they see me for the first time after a long time or when they see older pictures of me.
"You look like a completely different person."
I know I should take this as a compliment - but I am having a hard time with it.
It has many edges.
If the person I look like now is more attractive than the one I looked like before (who was completely different) than I should be happy to have left her behind?
Another edge comes with the sharpness of dealing with the possibility of not being recognized. How is it possible to be the same yet not look the same?
Which leads me to think about whether, in all essences, I am the same or am not the same.
Has the one core of me inside truly stayed the same or has she also been altered by the constantly evolving reflection she sees on the outside?
Which results in the following possible mes:
- The me I am
- The me I think I am
- The me I look like
- The me I think I look like
- The me you see
- The me you think you see
- The me that I think you see
- The me I used to be
- The me I used to look like
- The me I think I used to be
- The me I think I used to look like
- The me you thought you saw
- The me I think you saw
(It makes me dizzy just thinking about the possibilities)
If I look completely different and even possibly AM completely different... what if I liked that person I was and looked like before? Is it strange to miss her?
This means I have to get to know the new me, the new me I look like. Maybe I won't like her nearly as much... or maybe I will like her more.
Will that make the old one jealous?
"You look like a completely different person."
I know I should take this as a compliment - but I am having a hard time with it.
It has many edges.
If the person I look like now is more attractive than the one I looked like before (who was completely different) than I should be happy to have left her behind?
Another edge comes with the sharpness of dealing with the possibility of not being recognized. How is it possible to be the same yet not look the same?
Which leads me to think about whether, in all essences, I am the same or am not the same.
Has the one core of me inside truly stayed the same or has she also been altered by the constantly evolving reflection she sees on the outside?
Which results in the following possible mes:
- The me I am
- The me I think I am
- The me I look like
- The me I think I look like
- The me you see
- The me you think you see
- The me that I think you see
- The me I used to be
- The me I used to look like
- The me I think I used to be
- The me I think I used to look like
- The me you thought you saw
- The me I think you saw
(It makes me dizzy just thinking about the possibilities)
If I look completely different and even possibly AM completely different... what if I liked that person I was and looked like before? Is it strange to miss her?
This means I have to get to know the new me, the new me I look like. Maybe I won't like her nearly as much... or maybe I will like her more.
Will that make the old one jealous?
6 comments so far.
6.
a decade ago
It's so true that there are multiple edges to comments like that. I think unfortunately many people just don't know how to respond and so their words come out in ways they may not even mean. There is a real journey we take us as we change our lifestyles. I think we do change who we are, but I think the core YOU remains the same. One of our goals is to reconcile the multiple yous so that they don't get jealous and begin to fight with each other...
by MARCHANTIA
5.
a decade ago
Also, my response inside my head when people say 'You look completely different." is - Heck yeah I do, and it Rocks woohooooooo!!!! :-)
by CALYOPI123
4.
a decade ago
Watch out for the Stinkin Thinkin Parade! They never wave any happy banners. You look great today, you looked great before. You probably Feel better today though. That's where my thinking wanders to, how do I feel today? Much much better. :-) Welcome back!
by CALYOPI123
3.
a decade ago
From your words I believe your journey has contributed to personal growth. Embrace both of you, one will take care of the other
:kiss:, sorta of like sisters so yes there will probably be some sibling rivalry! 
:devious:
by SUZIMAE
2.
a decade ago
I would take it as a compliement -- chances are you emitting so much more light and confidence -- so you are different -- in a good way! At least, that's what I think!
by EAENGSTROM
1.
a decade ago
Deep Nicole.. okay maybe a little paranoid? Too much sun? Im glad you had a good time in the sun! You know that saying There's a thin girl inside me screaming. I can usually shut her up with a cookie. Perhaps we need a reversal? There's a fat girl inside of me screaming.... ? This fat girl-thin girl multiple me issue is no different than the sister-wife-mother-daughter- friend issues of perception of core, inside and out. It just adds (or takes away!) layers of complexity.
by VEELACAILLE