PLATEOFSTARS's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Sep 29 2010 - A quick entry...
View PLATEOFSTARS's food & exercise for this day
Well -
This entry is just me popping in to say hello and that I know I've been quite absent from CK lately, but that I've got a lot going on in my personal life and I seem to be doing fairly well wit the maintenance thing.
Since going into maintenance (3 weeks?) I've hovered between 154.0 and 156.5. Today at 154.4. I'm happy with that. So long as I don't jump any higher than 158, I am satified with my size. I'd be slightly happier if I could be hovering more between 150-153, but it's really only a difference of 3 lbs.
Weight wise, I am quite happy. I do have a short reflection on clothing sizes though. Man! It is impossible to say I am one size or another, seriously. Saying I'm a size 6 doesn't mean anything. Because that's just an average.
I'm not usually any higher than a size 8 anywhere, but for example, I recently purchased a formal gown in an 8 but had to get it taken out a little bit.
In other brands, I can be as low as a 2. You read that right... a TWO!
I recently purchased a calvin klein suit with size 6 pants and a size 2 jacket. unbelievable. Meanwhile, a jacket I purchased at H&M in size 6 I took back because it felt a little tight.
Anyhoo. I've learned to let go of the "number" and know that I am absolutely at my ideal weight and the number they print on clothes is only a number and means nothing. What's important is what feels and looks good when I wear it, not what my mind tells me the number on the label should read. (surprisingly a hard one to let go of)
What else to say? I do find it somewhat difficult still to add in extra calories and hate that I've gotten into a pattern of using my extra calories for not the greatest choices. I have a muffin now almost every day which isn't TERRIBLE, but not great either.
As for my personal life...
I want to first thank all of you who sent me words of encouragement regarding my personal uncovering of my identity as a lesbian. I received several messages that I haven't responded to because I needed to figure some things out. A couple of you reassured me that being a lesbian does not mean I have to leave my husband - that there are no written rules for how I should proceed.
But the conclusion I have come to is that no matter how much I love the man and despite how much he loves me - I cannot live an in-authentic life. For now, I cannot see how I can live authentically in my identity as a lesbian while in a heterosexual marriage with a man... one who does not feel comfortable sharing my sexual identiity with his friends and family.
It boils down to authenticity.
Well, that's all I can say for now. I'm still around - I nose in on the forums once in a while but am otherwise keeping a low profile at least until my life settles down a little bit or I need extra support with maintenance.
Love to all of you!
This entry is just me popping in to say hello and that I know I've been quite absent from CK lately, but that I've got a lot going on in my personal life and I seem to be doing fairly well wit the maintenance thing.
Since going into maintenance (3 weeks?) I've hovered between 154.0 and 156.5. Today at 154.4. I'm happy with that. So long as I don't jump any higher than 158, I am satified with my size. I'd be slightly happier if I could be hovering more between 150-153, but it's really only a difference of 3 lbs.
Weight wise, I am quite happy. I do have a short reflection on clothing sizes though. Man! It is impossible to say I am one size or another, seriously. Saying I'm a size 6 doesn't mean anything. Because that's just an average.
I'm not usually any higher than a size 8 anywhere, but for example, I recently purchased a formal gown in an 8 but had to get it taken out a little bit.
In other brands, I can be as low as a 2. You read that right... a TWO!
I recently purchased a calvin klein suit with size 6 pants and a size 2 jacket. unbelievable. Meanwhile, a jacket I purchased at H&M in size 6 I took back because it felt a little tight.
Anyhoo. I've learned to let go of the "number" and know that I am absolutely at my ideal weight and the number they print on clothes is only a number and means nothing. What's important is what feels and looks good when I wear it, not what my mind tells me the number on the label should read. (surprisingly a hard one to let go of)
What else to say? I do find it somewhat difficult still to add in extra calories and hate that I've gotten into a pattern of using my extra calories for not the greatest choices. I have a muffin now almost every day which isn't TERRIBLE, but not great either.
As for my personal life...
I want to first thank all of you who sent me words of encouragement regarding my personal uncovering of my identity as a lesbian. I received several messages that I haven't responded to because I needed to figure some things out. A couple of you reassured me that being a lesbian does not mean I have to leave my husband - that there are no written rules for how I should proceed.
But the conclusion I have come to is that no matter how much I love the man and despite how much he loves me - I cannot live an in-authentic life. For now, I cannot see how I can live authentically in my identity as a lesbian while in a heterosexual marriage with a man... one who does not feel comfortable sharing my sexual identiity with his friends and family.
It boils down to authenticity.
Well, that's all I can say for now. I'm still around - I nose in on the forums once in a while but am otherwise keeping a low profile at least until my life settles down a little bit or I need extra support with maintenance.
Love to all of you!
5 comments so far.
5.
a decade ago
You are a very, very courageous woman. I, too, believe that living your truth is the healthiest choice, although definitely not always the easiest. Bravo for pursuing an authentic, honest life!
Oddly, I hadn't been to this site for a while and hadn't posted in ages. I literally kind of stumbled on your blog and it lured me out of lurkdom. I felt compelled to write a message of support because, although you may or may not remember me, I have read a lot of your posts and have found you be very open and inspirational.
Also, you look fantastic. Congratulations!
by VIOLETSHRINKING
4.
a decade ago
You are making the decision I would have made.
by RINGAROUNDRINN
3.
a decade ago
You're in a tough situation but I agree, you have to be true to yourself.
I know someone who has gone back and forth from straight to gay. When I first met her 10 years ago, she was with a man. Saw her five years later; she's in a relationship with a woman. Now she's back with men. I don't understand the complexities of sexual identity but again, be true to you.
Good luck with everything.
You look really happy in your new profile picture!
by GOODKAT
2.
a decade ago
Letting go of the # is a toughie! Good for you for not letting the # on the clothing rule you!
Take care of yourself and do what you heart tells you!
by MRSDSB
1.
a decade ago
Be true to you. That's what matters most.
by THORNEAPPLE