Yesterday I had brunch with a friend who has lost weight over the summer.

She's lost 15-20 lbs and is going through a process of re-adjusting her mental image of herself. She was telling me how she has to now stop thinking of herself as "chubby"... I remember one thing she said was "a chubby person doesn't wear size 4" and I laughed. It's true, but how difficult it is for all these concrete external facts to become internalized impressions of ourselves!

Not to minimize her experience or invalidate in any way her struggles with body image or to "steal her thunder" with regard to how substantial her change has been... but I said to her "now times that by five and that's how much more radical the mental image adjustment is for me."

It's been a long hard road. One I am still on and still travelling... to discover what I truly look like and accept myself for the fit, athletic, thin, healthy person I now am.

I have been taking pictures of myself through this weight loss journey every 10 pounds or so from the front and from the side wearing nothing buy my underwear.

I went through those pictures yesterday to find the one where I still see myself. I realized that I still think of myself as 30 pounds heavier than I actually am. When I picture myself out in the world or what I will look like in clothes or whatever, I am at 180 lbs, not 150.

But that's still a huge accomplishment over 230 which is what I weighed a year ago.

I'm still catching up. And it's ok. I am ok with taking my time.